As everyone knows, everything in life has an opportunity cost. Every decision that is made has a consequence whether good or bad. People always tell me, "I don't know how you go to school and have a family, it seems like it would be tough." I always smiled and said, yeah it's tough, but I never told them what I chose to give up in order to achieve that goal.
I had a revelation tonight as well as a big slap in the face. For those of you who saw my facebook status, I have chosen to remove myself from Facebook for a while and I thought you should know why. Declan came home from school today with 4 circles this week on his calendar. I know most of you have no idea what that means, but each circle represents how many times he was disciplined that day. He had one on Monday, one on Tuesday, and two today. As per our usual conversation, I ask him what happened and as he is explaining this stuff to me I realize that all of it is completely preventable.
I started praying and trying to think of reasons why he would be getting in trouble so much and then I feel like God lifted a curtain and revealed it to me. The majority of the attention he gets from us is negative attention. If he's doing what he's supposed to be doing and everything's going well, he rarely hears from us but as soon as something bad happens, we immediately take action. The more I stepped back, the more I became disgusted with myself. All I have ever wanted since I was a little girl is to be married and be a mommy. Now that I have it, I seem to take it all for granted.
Before we had internet, Declan was newborn until he was about 3, I spent every minute with him and my family. As soon as we got internet I noticed myself justifying my time that I spend on the computer. I was either looking for jobs, editing photos, catching up on homework, etc. As a baby Declan was sooooo unbelievably good. He rarely made a peep. Looking back now, I realized that the bad behavior started occuring more frequently after we got internet. I started spending more time on the computer than I was spending with my children and that is not acceptable.
So, that is the reason I am withdrawing myself from Facebook for a while. I need to reprioritize my life and make sure that I am being the best possible parent that God has made me to be. I want my kids to grow up knowing that they are unconditionally loved, that they are important enough for me to put everything else aside and spend time with them, and that above all else we will always be here for them.