I am just so very grateful.  I am so thankful for relationships that God has put into my life/our lives over the years.  Whether it was through church, work, school, etc.  There are always people in our lives that are there for a reason.  Parenting is difficult so having friends along to help is crucial.

Not too long ago there were some things that happened that I was really struggling with.  I was very anxious, worried, upset, and disappointed.  Out of nowhere someone that I had met years ago reached out to me and encouraged me, she cheered me on and empathized with me as a parent.  A few things she said that really stuck out to me and helped me more than she will probably ever know.  Parenting teenagers is HARD, it takes a village and God has placed certain people in your life so you're not doing life alone.  

1. Your child still loves you and needs you and is just trying to figure out how to be independent

2. You aren't responsible for your child's actions or reactions to you, your job is to pursue them, encourage them to do what's right, and show them you love them.

3. God loves them more than we do.  Pray for them and ask God to chase them down and bring them back

4. Be patient

5. Set boundaries and expectations but also show grace and understanding

6. Notice the good things they do, point them out, and make a BIG deal about them

7. With teenagers, when things are rough, they're really rough but when things are lovely, they're very lovely.  Remember the lovely times until the rough times become lovely again.

Things have been so much better the past couple of weeks and I'm so thankful that she reached out to me.  The friends you choose and the ones that God specifically places in our lives are so very important.  

Regarding teenagers and dating, someone told me this: A dating relationship when you're not ready to be married should be like a sweet friendship.  Otherwise it's like shopping with no money, you'll either end up disappointed or taking something that isn't yours.  

For all of you parents out there, especially the ones of teenagers, I see you, I'm here for you, I'm grateful that we have each other to lean on and just know that we will make it through!

As a parent have you ever had those moments where you're just like "what were you thinking?", "I know I taught you better than that", "I'm so embarrassed that you did this"?  I have, well I've had several of those moments having been a parent of 18 years.  It started when the kids were super young.  Two things I remember right off the bat that were embarrassing then but funny now.  When Declan was little I took him with me to shop for new bras.  He proceeded to walk through and grab all of the padded bras proclaiming "mommy I like these boobies".  Alaina, when she was potty training had to see every bathroom of every place we went to.  You know how there is a little gap between the door and the stall lock closure wall thingy?  Yeah she used to peek in and say "mommy we know her".  I just wanted to crawl under the floor I was so embarrassed.  As the kids got older there were many more instances that made me question my parenting abilities and had me thinking maybe I was too young to know what I was doing raising two small kids.  

But then there are other moments that make you beam with pride as a parent and you realize the kids really have been listening and you are doing a good job raising them.  There was one time in the store at the check-out there was a frazzled mom in front of us with one little girl in the cart (probably 2 years old if I had to guess) another next to the cart asking tons of questions (4 if I had to guess) and a baby crying that this poor woman was trying to console.  She was frazzled, the baby was screaming and the cashier rang her out, she paid and the cashier just left all the bags on the counter at the end of the checkout.  I could tell this lady was at her wits end and about to just cry.  I asked Alaina to help the woman put the bags into the cart and we were finished checking out by that time so we helped the lady to her car.  Alaina pushed the cart and I held the other little girl's hand so the mom could just focus on the baby.  We have always told our kids to choose their friends wisely (1 Corinthians 15:33) and that if their friends are doing something bad and our kids are with them and they all get caught, they're just as guilty even if they aren't participating (guilty by association).  Our kids have told us on several occasions they don't even like going to the bathroom at school because everyone is in there vaping.  I'm not naive to think that teenagers aren't going to experiment or try to push the boundaries, it's almost expected.  Alaina has told me on several occasions that friends and such have done edibles or tried alcohol, etc.  Declan is much more tight lipped ;)

Recently I had one of those moments that I am just so proud as a parent.  Alaina was invited to a party, she went, she was having a good time and was supposed to sleep over.  At about 11pm she texted me asking if I was still awake and asked if I could come get her.  She picked up an early shift for the next day so I thought she just wanted to come home and get a good night's sleep before work.  When I picked her up I asked her why she wanted me to come get her (for reference she's NEVER left a sleepover early).  She said that the girls were doing things that she didn't want to be a part of and she just wanted to come home.  She apologized for asking me to come get her so late and I told her how proud of her I was.  I don't care if it's 2am or 4am or whatever, I will always come get you if you're uncomfortable or feel unsafe.  I always thought that Alaina would be my party animal and try things because it looks fun, but in this moment I realized how mature she really is for her age, that she's been listening to Pat and I all these years, and that the way we parent is working for our kids.  I don't write this to brag because as before, I'm sure there will be more times where I will be like "What were you thinking" but for today and for now, I'm super proud of our girl.

On the other hand, I had my first tough phone call to make as a parent.  I called my mom to ask her what I should do because I know the girl's parents where the girls were staying the night and I knew that this was not acceptable behavior for their kids.  My mom said "if the shoe was on the other foot you would want to know, you have to tell her parents".  I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT!  I was really hoping my mom would just be like, well Alaina did the right thing, no harm, no foul.  I had to put on my big girl pants and make a phone call.  I do not like confrontation at all but my mom was right.  If the roles were reversed I'd 100% want to know.  I made the phone call and it went so much better than I had figured it would.  The other parent was so apologetic for having Alaina in this situation.  As a parent myself I empathized and told her no need to apologize, we're all trying to do this parenting thing best we can.  Overall it was a good outcome and I'm glad I made the call but man I did not want to.  One, I didn't want to betray Alaina's trust in telling me what was going on and two, I didn't want any of the other girls to retaliate against Alaina.  The parent said that she would not mention that it was told to her but she found evidence since the party hadn't been cleaned up yet.  Parenting is hard and the more people we have to love our kids and share in the journey with us the better.  I am grateful that I already knew this person's parents as I think that made it a little easier but gosh it's difficult.  

 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I know that this day can be difficult for some.  Some women that long to be mothers and aren't able to conceive, those who have conceived and lost, and those who have lost their children before you felt it was their time.  My heart goes out to you and aches for you.  I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you've had, however I can say that I'm here and willing to listen, cry with you, and hold your hand as you walk through your valleys.  

I also want to say a HUGE thank you to all of those that have influenced my life.  For my mom being the one that never wanted kids, I'm so glad that she changed her mind.  My mom, she's always been there for me through all of the peaks and valleys of my life whether I created them myself or just happened to walk through them.  She's been my biggest cheerleader, my hiking buddy, my confidant, my road trip sidekick, and my extra hand when I needed it.  She allowed me to make mistakes growing up so that I could learn from them, mature, and move on.  She's seen me at my highest of highs and lowest of lows and loved me through them all.  I am forever grateful for the mother I was given and the friend that I now have.  I also received two bonus moms when I married Pat.  I have learned so much from both his mom and step-mom.  Kim loves to garden, cook, makes beautiful place settings for family gatherings and always make sure the family gets together for the holidays.  She's baked cookies with my kids at Christmas time, carved pumpkins with them at Halloween, and dyed eggs with them at Easter.  Her love of genealogy excites her and she loves telling our kids about their ancestors.  Lydia shares my love of baking and is an encourager and a cheerleader.  She loves coming to watch the kids in their sports and is always there if I need someone to just listen and let me vent.  We love to talk about recipes and family and soccer.  Not only did I gain two extra moms I also gained another grandma, Pat's Grandma Judy.  I enjoy all of the family I have gained through my husband.  

 Random thoughts and Updates:

Why is it that our best thinking comes at times when we cannot write things down.  I mean, the other day I was in the shower and these thoughts were just coming to me left and right and I was like man these are great, I really should write these down so I remember them or can share them.  Whether we're showering, driving, laying down to go to sleep I believe there are times when our brain is most relaxed and we can finally have some genuine thoughts.

Many of you probably don't know but I do not set New Years resolutions.  I just got tired of not meeting my goals and giving up by February.  This year even though I didn't set a resolution, I did set some goals for myself that would still give me some leeway in case I messed up or stumbled.  

1. I want to read at least 12 books this year (one for each month).  So far I am currently on number 10 and I already have number 11 waiting for me.  I can put the links below to what I've been reading in case you're interested.

2. I want to be a better role-model for my kids.  My health has never been a priority to me.  I've always wanted to be a wife and a mother and never gave my health a thought really.  As a teenager I enjoyed working out and lifting weights but then life happens and I've slowly let myself go.  The other day I was thinking, man I thought I was done parenting for the most part.  My kids are almost 18 and 15.  But then it struck me that now is the time that our kids are going to watch my actions more than listen to my words.  We have REALLY lucked out in the teenager department and we have some great kids and I am so very grateful.  I realize though that if I want to be a better role-model I have to be worthy of being someone others want to follow.  With that I've decided to start exercising and watching what I eat.  I decided to do a 40 day sugar fast and to my surprise Alaina said she'd do it with me.  Not only that but her boyfriend and one of her friends joined in as well.  I didn't have to tell her to do it, I didn't encourage her to follow my lead, she CHOSE to do it and that makes me so very happy.

3. I've started filling my brain with truths about who God says I am, what I can accomplish, and where he's leading me.  I was at a women's event at church a few years ago, right before Covid hit.  I remember after the lesson we split into smaller groups to discuss some related questions and one was "what is your motivation/drive".  I remember sitting there and not being able to come up with anything.  I was like what in the world is my purpose.  As I mentioned above the only things I ever wanted was to be a mom and a wife, that's it.  Once that happened I guess I just decided to coast and "see what happens".  

4. I want to be more intentional in my thoughts and actions.  The easy path and easy options are no longer an option.  Yes it's convenient to grab something quick to eat from fast food or gas station food or just the processed quick foods to make at home.  I've learned that to change I have to be more intentional.  Being healthy takes more planning, prep, perseverance, and persistence but the payoff is so much greater.  I want to be intentional about what I say to others, how I say things to others, my actions, and my choices.  

We are now in month 5 of 2023 and I have been working on these all year so far.  I have a long journey ahead but I also have great support and a personal cheerleader (thank you Pat) who believes in me and encourages me to keep going even when somedays it would be easier to just give up.  I just wanted to share an update since it's been about a year since I've written anything.  What is going on in your life?  Anything you're working on or towards this year?

Books I've read so far this year: 

https://www.booksradar.com/coben-harlan/coben.html#2437

Author: Harlan Coben - these are suspense/thriller - The Match, I Will Find You, The Boy From the Woods, Missing You, Tell No One, Fool Me Once

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=overcoming+overwhelmed+erik+lawson&crid=3TYFZL7N1YHDW&sprefix=erik+lawson%2Caps%2C134&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_6_11

Overcoming Overwhelmed by Erik Lawson

https://www.amazon.com/Nefarious-Plot-Steve-Deace/dp/1682611523/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=580631589312&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11823108814152330207&hvtargid=kwd-309568623575&hydadcr=10026_13483884&keywords=steve+deace+nefarious+plot&qid=1683498313&sr=8-1

Author: Steve Peace - Nefarious Plot

https://www.amazon.com/40-Day-Sugar-Fast-Spiritual-Transformation/dp/0801094577/ref=sxts_entity_rec_bsx_s_def_r00_t_aufl?content-id=amzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6%3Aamzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&cv_ct_cx=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&hvadid=580750081871&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=280933199357746321&hvtargid=kwd-946357220317&hydadcr=22563_13493224&keywords=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&pd_rd_i=0801094577&pd_rd_r=d0c4a901-dc6a-4e90-a0c0-d725a76317c1&pd_rd_w=T2CaE&pd_rd_wg=2q0jQ&pf_rd_p=4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&pf_rd_r=YCA0FN70WYAKJE6EBF2K&qid=1683498109&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sr=1-1-42c1d7c4-51c2-42cf-80a4-c0488607bdfe

The 40 Day Sugar Fast by Wendy Speake 

Currently Reading: 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=uninvited+lysa&i=stripbooks&hvadid=558570236281&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1680665140076194261&hvtargid=kwd-301536084699&hydadcr=22533_10344512&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_7l6kempv1j_e

Uninvited by Lisa TerKeurst