Growing Up and Moving On

Time is a funny thing isn’t it? There are times you think back about something and feel like it was SO
LONG ago but then other times it feels like that same thing was just a couple of years ago. Once I had
children time seems to move in warp speed, well not those first 5 years or so. Those are tough and
exhausting but so very rewarding.
With summer quickly approaching I wanted to take a minute to reflect as well as look forward. I
remember the summer between my Junior and Senior year of high school. It was one of the best
summers ever. I had no real responsibilities yet (I mean I had a job and things but not tons of bills or too
many things expected of me). My parents were always great about letting my brother and I just be kids
and enjoy the time we could before we had to be adults and take on responsibilities and things. We try
to do that with our kids. Yes, it’s important to teach them how to adult but they are also still kids and
should get to enjoy that for as long as possible. Carefree days, sleeping in until noon, going to the pool,
six flags, taking vacation, etc. Declan just finished his first year of college (I still can’t believe it) and will be 20 in just a few months. Alaina will be entering her Senior year of high school (I can’t believe that either). While part of me is sad that they’re growing up I am also so very excited and blessed to watch them really settle in to who they are and who they’re becoming. Watching them pursue their dreams is such a joy.
People always complain about the teenager stage and yes, it can be exhausting with all of the eye rolls,
dirty dishes, moodiness, etc. I love it though! Our kids are great kids and we haven’t had a lot of the
teenage drama issues that I was worried about, but Pat and I made it a point early on to talk to our
children frequently and at every stage about things they would face later in life. We have done our best
to prepare them, keep that openness for conversations, allowed them to fail and helped them back up.
Don’t get me wrong, we are NOT perfect parents by any means but we are grateful parents and I love
the relationships we have with our kids now. Declan chooses to come home frequently (it may just be
to do laundry and work on his car but I like to pretend it’s to see us) and Alaina spends time with us when she’s not with her friends or Brayden.
I know this next year is going to fly by and we’re going to have two graduating in 2026. I’m ready to
buckle up, enjoy the ride, take lots of pictures, and watch these kiddos conquer their dreams!

 Tonight I pray for the women who are hurting.  Maybe they plaster on a smile but deep down they feel unnoticed, unworthy, unloved, overwhelmed, misunderstood, stressed out, etc but know that I am praying for you.  I’ve been there and I’m sure I’ll be there again in that valley.  It’s a valley that can grow deeper by the minute especially if you feel like you’re suffering alone.  You get so far down you feel like there is no way you’ll ever get out.  I’ve listened to all the lies before: you’re the only one that deals with this, no one can know or they’ll judge you, you can do this on your own, whatever the lie may be.  Please know that it’s just that, a lie.  We ALL struggle, doubt, suffer, feel misunderstood, neglected, unloved.  When we have others that are willing to come alongside us without judgment but in prayer, friendship, love, and understanding we grow.  There have been some very dark parts of my life that very few people know about.  I was ashamed, embarrassed, and didn’t want to have to answer the questions people would ask about my decisions.  I felt completely alone and withdrawn, lonely and desperate.  Those times, the times that were the darkest, loneliest, most vulnerable times of my life, that’s when I felt God the most.  He was the one that loved me, that helped me out of my pit of sadness and loneliness.  He reminded me that he had plans for me, that he loved me and made me for a purpose that only I could fulfill.  He gave me some incredible friends that never judged or gossiped about me or my situation but truly loved me and prayed for me.  I want to be that person for all of you.  Anyone that’s in that dark place when you feel you’re at rock bottom know that I’m praying for you, cheering you on, believing in better things for you.  It’s difficult to go through the storms of life but it’s often what changes us the most.  Don’t give up, keep moving forward, keep pushing, keep seeking, and believing.  Better days are coming and it’s always darkest before dawn.  I love you and you matter!

 GRATITUDE

That's all I have today.  You know, as parents we're always trying to instill things in our kiddos, morals, values, faith, things that truly build their character.  I think sometimes when we step back as they get older (even times when they're younger) we can learn so much from them.  Pat and I have always been brutally honest with our kids.  We don't hide our struggles, failures, mistakes.  We let them know that we're human too, we still mess up, we still have emotions and faults.  It's how we work together to overcome them that matters.  I'm not sure how many people are aware but at the end of March Pat and I both lost our jobs.  My company was generous with a 60 day paid notice and severance, his was just immediate.  As scary and as devastating as it was we knew that our kids were watching how we were going to respond.  I know so many families go through this and it's scary and difficult but this is when our faith is generally strengthened the most.  Through that we decided to start going back to church instead of just watching online.  We are still new and getting plugged in to a new church but we both have felt refreshed and excited about the change.  Alaina has willingly been going with us on Sundays which says a lot for a 16 year old to willingly get up on her day off and go to church 😊. We started listening to praise and worship music again, listening to sermons throughout the week, etc to try to stay encouraged.  Thankfully Pat found a job and has already started which was a TRUE blessing.  I had interviewed with a company several times, was extremely hopeful only to be told they went with someone else and I was back to square one.  

Needless to say I was a little disheartened.  I'm still forcing myself to get up and look for jobs as if it's my full-time job.  Today I just wasn't feeling it.  I wanted to stay in bed and hide and just wallow.  I was texting Alaina while she was at lunch and to say I am proud to be her mom would be an understatement.  There have been so many times over this past year that each of us have been going through something and the others are there for encouragement.  I always dreaded the teenage years but I have to say, they've been some of my favorite years.  Declan will randomly text Pat and I and thank us for encouraging him, helping him, pushing him a little when he needed it to do things scared.  But today, Alaina sent me some texts and I was blown away at how mature and encouraging she is.  I am blessed beyond measure and grateful for the chance to parent them.  I'm so sad that they'll be leaving the "nest" soon but I'm so excited to see where they end up in life.  They're both going to do great things!

Sometimes we teach our kids and sometimes they teach us and both are okay and needed 💗

Ever have a plan and things don't go according to it?  That has been the course for this year for our family.  I decided that this year I was going to keep a "blessing jar" which basically has one strip of paper for every week of the year.  I've forced myself to think of at least one good thing that we're grateful for every week.  If you've read my previous blog posts you'd know it's not been the easiest task but yet we're striving forward.  

I am beyond grateful that I started walking with Jesus when I was 18.  It's not always been easy or the "popular/fun" thing to do but I'm thankful that I also have friends that are Jesus followers.  They're encouraging, pray for us, are standing with us through the highs and lows of life.  One of the things I am most grateful for is that God gives us peace beyond our understanding (Philippians 4:7).  Throughout all of our circumstances and everything that's happened through our marriage and personal lives, I've always found comfort and peace that cannot be explained to others.  Right now, Pat and I are both without a job but I am thankful that God promises to work together all things for good for those that believe (Romans 8:28).  Change is almost always scary but it it always brings about growth.  We don't have to fear change because God doesn't give us a spirit of fear.  In fact the Bible tells us to "fear not" 365 times in the Bible.  That is one for every day of the year and I don't believe that is a coincidence.  Now that our kids are older and understand what is happening, I pray that their faith is strengthened and they never have to question that God always takes care of us.  Even if it's not exactly how we thought or expected, his ways are always better than ours.  Sometimes he has to give us a little nudge to get us out of our comfort zone in order for us to grow into what he has planned for us. This song (actually a lot of hers) help me to not focus on our circumstances but on God and what he's done before and he's the same yesterday, today and forever.  

Lauren Daigle

This same thing happened to Pat and I when the kids were really little.  God provided then and we're trusting and have faith that He will do it again.

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" (Matthew 6:26-27 ESV)

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34)

You know sometimes in the midst of chaos you can be so incredibly grateful and have absolute peace?  In the midst of what is seeming to be a terrible start to our 2024, I was so happy to take Alaina to her first ever concert on Tuesday night.  For those that don't know I have been told that I'm being laid off as of 5/16/24.  Even though there are plenty of jobs posted at the moment, unless you know someone it's sometimes difficult to even get your resume looked at let alone get an interview.  In the chaos and stress and uncertainty I have full peace.  God already knows the outcome, he already knew this was coming and hew as not surprised by it like I was.  It's in his hands, his timing, and his will.  We grow the most when we're pushed out of our comfort zone and embrace change.

I am so thankful that back in September of last year I got tickets for this concert for Alaina's 16th birthday.  It was a fun night with just her even though I was nervous about driving downtown by myself, (I really only go downtown with Pat) and having to back into a spot, and being out late, I was excited to get that one on one time with her.  Watching her sing her heart out, have a great time, and just spending quality time together filled my cup.  I am grateful that even though we didn't know what was coming we had already planned and prepared for this fun night.  What made the night even sweeter was the many many times she thanked me for bringing her and going with her 💜.

The day before that, Pat and I got a text from Declan: 

"I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you both for helping me achieve my future dream job.  I feel like I don't say it enough and I'm not sure how to say it but I love both of you guys for helping me through it all"

😭 Teenagers sometimes get a bad rap and I think it's such an awkward stage to be between being a kid and not yet an adult.  There are definitely highs and lows but as a friend once told me "when things are lovely, they're really lovely". When things aren't so lovely you hold onto the lovely times like the quality 1:1 time or the sweet texts, or the random hugs, and random gifts they bring home.  I will say that Pat and I have been so extremely fortunate to have great kids and it has made the teenage years (so far) mainly a breeze.  I love the people they're growing up to be and I will encourage them to follow the path that God has for them.  I promise to love, guide, and help them as long as they'll let me and I'll treasure all the lovely times in between, stopping and smelling the roses every chance I get.  

Thank you GOD for blessing me!

 ADVICE FROM PARENTS TO DAUGHTER

First I want to start by saying Dad and I love you more than you will ever know.  We are so very proud of you and everything you set to accomplish.  You work so hard at everything you do.  We admire how much you can keep good grades while also working hard at soccer and having a social life.  Ever since you were a baby you light up a room and your personality demands attention.  You’re always welcoming to new people and you make new friends easily.  We love how adventurous you are.  Plain and simple, you make life more fun!

 

God placed it on my heart to write you and be candid and honest.  Dad and I both reviewed this as we were once young and in relationships.  It’s our job to protect you as much as we can while still allowing you to have your own experiences and life lessons.  We came up with a list of things to consider in a relationship whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship.  What you do with the information is 100% up to you.

 

Advice from your Parents:

1.     Honor God – You are a child of God and you are precious.  Your body is a temple and was meant to be God’s house so treat it with care. 

2.     Guard your heart – feelings lie.  Know the difference between love and lust, attraction and affection.  Protect your heart.

3.     Communication is key – It’s so important to talk about things.  Don’t keep secrets from one another.  Whatever you are feeling, don’t be afraid to share it.  Deep conversations produce intimacy & ultimately draw you closer together.  Expectations can be the biggest disappointment in a relationship so make sure you discuss and are on the same page regarding what you want in the relationship.

4.     You are enough – You don’t need to change anything about who you are to “make” someone love you.  Have confidence in yourself, it’s something that attracts people to you.  Don’t be in a rush to grow up. If someone else doesn’t see your worth then they aren’t worth your time.

5.     You get what you give – If you want to be treated respectfully then you need to treat others with respect.  Be kind and generous.  Offer compliments and genuine appreciation.  Treat others the way you want to be treated and if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything.

6.     Don’t lose who you are to be a couple – Having a relationship is exciting and fun and while you’re getting to know each other it’s easy to get sucked in and want to spend all of your time with that person but don’t lose who you are.  Keep hanging out with friends, playing soccer, enjoying your hobbies, etc.  Having a well-balanced relationship where you spend time apart either alone or with your friends is healthy and good.

7.     Your body is yours – Don’t ever let someone pressure you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with.  Abstinence is the best policy and it’s how God designed us.  With physically showing love comes more emotional attachments and more issues so be responsible.  Don’t ever feel like you need to give in to keep someone, if they pressure you, it’s time to cut ties.

8.     Be a good listener – this goes for any relationship.  Listen intently and pay attention to how they treat others.  If they’re rude, unkind, disrespectful to others then you can expect they will treat you the same.  People often put on their “best self” when a new relationship starts and slowly reveal who they really are.  If he’s not good and loving towards his mom, it’s a warning.  Don’t assume you know what he really means when he tells you something.  Guys are simple, generally what they say is what they mean.

9.     Only stay in a relationship for the right reasons – Don’t stay in a relationship because it gets comfortable and would be “too hard” to leave.  If you have mutual friends, it’s fine and things will work themselves out.  Don’t stay with someone because you don’t want to be lonely or because you feel pressured.  

10.  Know what you want – If you know what you want in a relationship or in a guy then you’ll be more likely to notice when he isn’t what you want/need.  You need to know who you are before you can love someone else or expect them to love you.

11.  Heartbreak – If/when you get your heart broken, it sucks.  Allow yourself to be sad/mad and cry. Don’t stay there though.  Think about what you’ve learned about yourself and what you really want and move on.  Take time for yourself before jumping into a new relationship.

12.  Don’t chase – Ever heard of playing hard to get?  When you chase something/someone it runs away.  If you chase a guy or don’t give him room to breathe he may get scared and run.  Be content with being alone.  

13.  Test/Ultimatums – Don’t do this!  If you “test” someone or give them an ultimatum it generally causes them to feel pressured and they typically want nothing to do with it then.  Be patient, kind, don’t rush into anything.  Make sure both of you are good with where your relationship is at.

14.  Social Media/Electronics – don’t text/snap/etc anything that you wouldn’t be okay saying to someone’s face.  Remember that some parents check their kids’ phones so if you don’t want a parent to see what you’re texting/snapping, don’t do it.

 

Remember dad and I are always here for you and if you ever need to talk we’re happy to listen.  We love you dearly.

 

Love,

Mom and Dad

 We are nearing the end of February and it's still been a rough year.  We've had some good things, too though so we've tried not to dwell on the negative and scary.  

February 2nd we were at one of Alaina's indoor games in Fenton and Declan texted me that he had gotten pulled over.  Apparently when the police officer ran his plates it didn't show as registered to him.  He told Declan he needed to go to the DMV to get that straightened out.

I did the kids' taxes at the beginning of February and Declan's were rejected.  The social security from his W2 didn't match what the SSA had on file for him.  To be fair, the last digit was really difficult to read.  So we had to make a trip to the SSA office (so fun) and get that straightened out, have his employer update their records, and print a new W2 with the correct SSN.

Pat went to court for the incident with Dipper and paid the fine.  We got our fence and Dipper was confused at first why he couldn't see any of his "friends" when they barked.  They put the fence up so quickly and it's so nice, I must say.

There were some things that happened with Pat's work that had us a little worried but we're trusting God and continuing to do the right thing.

My birthday was wonderful.  I took the day off, had an eye exam so I could get more contacts, got a free Starbucks drink, free Chick Fil A, and a free cookie from Crumbl.  I read most of the afternoon and then all 4 of us went to dinner at Tony's on Main Street (thanks Uncle John and Tammie).  It was so nice to all go out to dinner together.  Afterwards we stopped by my parents house and had cake with them.  Alaina was sweet and made, iced, and decorated my birthday cake all by herself!  I was given gifts from Pat, Alaina, Declan, my parents, and Pat's dad and step-mom.  It was just a really great day and I am grateful to have that time with family <3

We visited a new church, Alaina visited a new youth group, we've watched countless indoor soccer games, and we even watched the super bowl this year.  Overall it's been eventful but I'm glad to have my family by my side through it all.

This month has been nothing short of eventful.  For those of you that aren't aware we had a rough start to 2024.  Dipper attacked our neighbor's dog earlier this month (thankfully she's healing and is fine) but as a result Pat has a court date to go in February, we are getting a fence installed, and Dipper was quarantined for 10 days.  Later that evening, Alaina and I went to the movies and she was trying to open a bag of candy with her teeth and chipped one of her front teeth.  We had to go to the dentist the very next day and as we were leaving and making a right to get onto 364, she got into a fender bender (with me), she rear-ended me (her in the corolla and me in the 4Runner).  It was easy to feel overwhelmed and down for a week or two because 1. we didn't know if our neighbor's dog was even going to be okay, 2. the expense of everything that happened within 2 days time, and 3. where we were going to come up with the money to pay for all of this stuff.  Thankfully Pat and I vented to each other, prayed about it, and let it go.

A week or so later we found out the neighbor's dog was going to be fine (thankfully), Alaina's tooth was fixed, and the fence is coming (once the weather permits).  On a good note, I got to take Declan to visit his first (and only) college.  He is thinking about going to State Tech Missouri in Linn, MO.  It was a very nice school, VERY small town, and I think he really liked it.  I don't get much one on one time with him so it was nice to have an entire day just him and I to hang out.  I really enjoyed it and he seemed to as well.  I think the reality of him becoming an adult and possibly only living at home for a few more months is starting to sink in.  He, as many boys do, waited until the last minute to sign up for the A+ program through school so he's doing his tutoring and if he gets it all done, his school tuition will be free (PRAISE THE LORD) and he'll just have to pay for tools, books, and a place to live.  The program is only 2 years and they help you to find a job afterwards.  I think he's excited but also a little nervous.

Last October or November Alaina had a scout from Stephen's College reach out to her out of the blue to see if he could come watch her play in a tournament.  He ended up coming to two of her tournaments and then reached out at the beginning of January and asked if she'd be interested in coming and touring the school and playing with some of the current girls that play on their team.  Only 15 spots were available and so we went and did that yesterday.  She had a good time and it was nice to tour the school with her.  Pat and I had never been to Columbia, MO to just visit.  The coach told her that she should hear something from him within the next couple of weeks regarding notes and things to work on, etc.  They can't officially offer any scholarships until you're a Junior in HS so nothing was officially said.  She was the youngest of the girls that were there and she surprised herself that she was able to hang just fine.  Afterwards we had to drive from Columbia to Fenton because she had two indoor games to play in last night and she killed it.  It was so fun watching her.

So although our month started off a little rocky and I was freaking out that our entire year was going to be that way, there are so many things to be thankful for!  To say we are proud of our kids would be an understatement.  I can't believe that they're as old as they are and it's so bittersweet watching them grow into the people God has created them to be and watching them shine.  Their ambition and goals blow me away and I'm constantly humbled by their grit and tenacity.  I love having a front row seat to watch them bloom!

  

I am just so very grateful.  I am so thankful for relationships that God has put into my life/our lives over the years.  Whether it was through church, work, school, etc.  There are always people in our lives that are there for a reason.  Parenting is difficult so having friends along to help is crucial.

Not too long ago there were some things that happened that I was really struggling with.  I was very anxious, worried, upset, and disappointed.  Out of nowhere someone that I had met years ago reached out to me and encouraged me, she cheered me on and empathized with me as a parent.  A few things she said that really stuck out to me and helped me more than she will probably ever know.  Parenting teenagers is HARD, it takes a village and God has placed certain people in your life so you're not doing life alone.  

1. Your child still loves you and needs you and is just trying to figure out how to be independent

2. You aren't responsible for your child's actions or reactions to you, your job is to pursue them, encourage them to do what's right, and show them you love them.

3. God loves them more than we do.  Pray for them and ask God to chase them down and bring them back

4. Be patient

5. Set boundaries and expectations but also show grace and understanding

6. Notice the good things they do, point them out, and make a BIG deal about them

7. With teenagers, when things are rough, they're really rough but when things are lovely, they're very lovely.  Remember the lovely times until the rough times become lovely again.

Things have been so much better the past couple of weeks and I'm so thankful that she reached out to me.  The friends you choose and the ones that God specifically places in our lives are so very important.  

Regarding teenagers and dating, someone told me this: A dating relationship when you're not ready to be married should be like a sweet friendship.  Otherwise it's like shopping with no money, you'll either end up disappointed or taking something that isn't yours.  

For all of you parents out there, especially the ones of teenagers, I see you, I'm here for you, I'm grateful that we have each other to lean on and just know that we will make it through!

As a parent have you ever had those moments where you're just like "what were you thinking?", "I know I taught you better than that", "I'm so embarrassed that you did this"?  I have, well I've had several of those moments having been a parent of 18 years.  It started when the kids were super young.  Two things I remember right off the bat that were embarrassing then but funny now.  When Declan was little I took him with me to shop for new bras.  He proceeded to walk through and grab all of the padded bras proclaiming "mommy I like these boobies".  Alaina, when she was potty training had to see every bathroom of every place we went to.  You know how there is a little gap between the door and the stall lock closure wall thingy?  Yeah she used to peek in and say "mommy we know her".  I just wanted to crawl under the floor I was so embarrassed.  As the kids got older there were many more instances that made me question my parenting abilities and had me thinking maybe I was too young to know what I was doing raising two small kids.  

But then there are other moments that make you beam with pride as a parent and you realize the kids really have been listening and you are doing a good job raising them.  There was one time in the store at the check-out there was a frazzled mom in front of us with one little girl in the cart (probably 2 years old if I had to guess) another next to the cart asking tons of questions (4 if I had to guess) and a baby crying that this poor woman was trying to console.  She was frazzled, the baby was screaming and the cashier rang her out, she paid and the cashier just left all the bags on the counter at the end of the checkout.  I could tell this lady was at her wits end and about to just cry.  I asked Alaina to help the woman put the bags into the cart and we were finished checking out by that time so we helped the lady to her car.  Alaina pushed the cart and I held the other little girl's hand so the mom could just focus on the baby.  We have always told our kids to choose their friends wisely (1 Corinthians 15:33) and that if their friends are doing something bad and our kids are with them and they all get caught, they're just as guilty even if they aren't participating (guilty by association).  Our kids have told us on several occasions they don't even like going to the bathroom at school because everyone is in there vaping.  I'm not naive to think that teenagers aren't going to experiment or try to push the boundaries, it's almost expected.  Alaina has told me on several occasions that friends and such have done edibles or tried alcohol, etc.  Declan is much more tight lipped ;)

Recently I had one of those moments that I am just so proud as a parent.  Alaina was invited to a party, she went, she was having a good time and was supposed to sleep over.  At about 11pm she texted me asking if I was still awake and asked if I could come get her.  She picked up an early shift for the next day so I thought she just wanted to come home and get a good night's sleep before work.  When I picked her up I asked her why she wanted me to come get her (for reference she's NEVER left a sleepover early).  She said that the girls were doing things that she didn't want to be a part of and she just wanted to come home.  She apologized for asking me to come get her so late and I told her how proud of her I was.  I don't care if it's 2am or 4am or whatever, I will always come get you if you're uncomfortable or feel unsafe.  I always thought that Alaina would be my party animal and try things because it looks fun, but in this moment I realized how mature she really is for her age, that she's been listening to Pat and I all these years, and that the way we parent is working for our kids.  I don't write this to brag because as before, I'm sure there will be more times where I will be like "What were you thinking" but for today and for now, I'm super proud of our girl.

On the other hand, I had my first tough phone call to make as a parent.  I called my mom to ask her what I should do because I know the girl's parents where the girls were staying the night and I knew that this was not acceptable behavior for their kids.  My mom said "if the shoe was on the other foot you would want to know, you have to tell her parents".  I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT!  I was really hoping my mom would just be like, well Alaina did the right thing, no harm, no foul.  I had to put on my big girl pants and make a phone call.  I do not like confrontation at all but my mom was right.  If the roles were reversed I'd 100% want to know.  I made the phone call and it went so much better than I had figured it would.  The other parent was so apologetic for having Alaina in this situation.  As a parent myself I empathized and told her no need to apologize, we're all trying to do this parenting thing best we can.  Overall it was a good outcome and I'm glad I made the call but man I did not want to.  One, I didn't want to betray Alaina's trust in telling me what was going on and two, I didn't want any of the other girls to retaliate against Alaina.  The parent said that she would not mention that it was told to her but she found evidence since the party hadn't been cleaned up yet.  Parenting is hard and the more people we have to love our kids and share in the journey with us the better.  I am grateful that I already knew this person's parents as I think that made it a little easier but gosh it's difficult.  

 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I know that this day can be difficult for some.  Some women that long to be mothers and aren't able to conceive, those who have conceived and lost, and those who have lost their children before you felt it was their time.  My heart goes out to you and aches for you.  I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you've had, however I can say that I'm here and willing to listen, cry with you, and hold your hand as you walk through your valleys.  

I also want to say a HUGE thank you to all of those that have influenced my life.  For my mom being the one that never wanted kids, I'm so glad that she changed her mind.  My mom, she's always been there for me through all of the peaks and valleys of my life whether I created them myself or just happened to walk through them.  She's been my biggest cheerleader, my hiking buddy, my confidant, my road trip sidekick, and my extra hand when I needed it.  She allowed me to make mistakes growing up so that I could learn from them, mature, and move on.  She's seen me at my highest of highs and lowest of lows and loved me through them all.  I am forever grateful for the mother I was given and the friend that I now have.  I also received two bonus moms when I married Pat.  I have learned so much from both his mom and step-mom.  Kim loves to garden, cook, makes beautiful place settings for family gatherings and always make sure the family gets together for the holidays.  She's baked cookies with my kids at Christmas time, carved pumpkins with them at Halloween, and dyed eggs with them at Easter.  Her love of genealogy excites her and she loves telling our kids about their ancestors.  Lydia shares my love of baking and is an encourager and a cheerleader.  She loves coming to watch the kids in their sports and is always there if I need someone to just listen and let me vent.  We love to talk about recipes and family and soccer.  Not only did I gain two extra moms I also gained another grandma, Pat's Grandma Judy.  I enjoy all of the family I have gained through my husband.  

 Random thoughts and Updates:

Why is it that our best thinking comes at times when we cannot write things down.  I mean, the other day I was in the shower and these thoughts were just coming to me left and right and I was like man these are great, I really should write these down so I remember them or can share them.  Whether we're showering, driving, laying down to go to sleep I believe there are times when our brain is most relaxed and we can finally have some genuine thoughts.

Many of you probably don't know but I do not set New Years resolutions.  I just got tired of not meeting my goals and giving up by February.  This year even though I didn't set a resolution, I did set some goals for myself that would still give me some leeway in case I messed up or stumbled.  

1. I want to read at least 12 books this year (one for each month).  So far I am currently on number 10 and I already have number 11 waiting for me.  I can put the links below to what I've been reading in case you're interested.

2. I want to be a better role-model for my kids.  My health has never been a priority to me.  I've always wanted to be a wife and a mother and never gave my health a thought really.  As a teenager I enjoyed working out and lifting weights but then life happens and I've slowly let myself go.  The other day I was thinking, man I thought I was done parenting for the most part.  My kids are almost 18 and 15.  But then it struck me that now is the time that our kids are going to watch my actions more than listen to my words.  We have REALLY lucked out in the teenager department and we have some great kids and I am so very grateful.  I realize though that if I want to be a better role-model I have to be worthy of being someone others want to follow.  With that I've decided to start exercising and watching what I eat.  I decided to do a 40 day sugar fast and to my surprise Alaina said she'd do it with me.  Not only that but her boyfriend and one of her friends joined in as well.  I didn't have to tell her to do it, I didn't encourage her to follow my lead, she CHOSE to do it and that makes me so very happy.

3. I've started filling my brain with truths about who God says I am, what I can accomplish, and where he's leading me.  I was at a women's event at church a few years ago, right before Covid hit.  I remember after the lesson we split into smaller groups to discuss some related questions and one was "what is your motivation/drive".  I remember sitting there and not being able to come up with anything.  I was like what in the world is my purpose.  As I mentioned above the only things I ever wanted was to be a mom and a wife, that's it.  Once that happened I guess I just decided to coast and "see what happens".  

4. I want to be more intentional in my thoughts and actions.  The easy path and easy options are no longer an option.  Yes it's convenient to grab something quick to eat from fast food or gas station food or just the processed quick foods to make at home.  I've learned that to change I have to be more intentional.  Being healthy takes more planning, prep, perseverance, and persistence but the payoff is so much greater.  I want to be intentional about what I say to others, how I say things to others, my actions, and my choices.  

We are now in month 5 of 2023 and I have been working on these all year so far.  I have a long journey ahead but I also have great support and a personal cheerleader (thank you Pat) who believes in me and encourages me to keep going even when somedays it would be easier to just give up.  I just wanted to share an update since it's been about a year since I've written anything.  What is going on in your life?  Anything you're working on or towards this year?

Books I've read so far this year: 

https://www.booksradar.com/coben-harlan/coben.html#2437

Author: Harlan Coben - these are suspense/thriller - The Match, I Will Find You, The Boy From the Woods, Missing You, Tell No One, Fool Me Once

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=overcoming+overwhelmed+erik+lawson&crid=3TYFZL7N1YHDW&sprefix=erik+lawson%2Caps%2C134&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_6_11

Overcoming Overwhelmed by Erik Lawson

https://www.amazon.com/Nefarious-Plot-Steve-Deace/dp/1682611523/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=580631589312&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11823108814152330207&hvtargid=kwd-309568623575&hydadcr=10026_13483884&keywords=steve+deace+nefarious+plot&qid=1683498313&sr=8-1

Author: Steve Peace - Nefarious Plot

https://www.amazon.com/40-Day-Sugar-Fast-Spiritual-Transformation/dp/0801094577/ref=sxts_entity_rec_bsx_s_def_r00_t_aufl?content-id=amzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6%3Aamzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&cv_ct_cx=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&hvadid=580750081871&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=280933199357746321&hvtargid=kwd-946357220317&hydadcr=22563_13493224&keywords=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&pd_rd_i=0801094577&pd_rd_r=d0c4a901-dc6a-4e90-a0c0-d725a76317c1&pd_rd_w=T2CaE&pd_rd_wg=2q0jQ&pf_rd_p=4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&pf_rd_r=YCA0FN70WYAKJE6EBF2K&qid=1683498109&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sr=1-1-42c1d7c4-51c2-42cf-80a4-c0488607bdfe

The 40 Day Sugar Fast by Wendy Speake 

Currently Reading: 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=uninvited+lysa&i=stripbooks&hvadid=558570236281&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1680665140076194261&hvtargid=kwd-301536084699&hydadcr=22533_10344512&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_7l6kempv1j_e

Uninvited by Lisa TerKeurst

Many times when I come here to "blog" it's more of me just putting down on paper the ramblings that are in my head.  A couple things that came to my mind this past week: 

FIRST:

People like to tell me things.  I guess I'm a good listener without interjecting my opinions unless asked.  I'm a good "secret keeper".  I've always been one of those people that can be standing in line at the grocery store or somewhere and people feel inclined to tell me their life story.  For me this sometimes causes me anxiety because I tend to put myself in other's shoes quite often and I can feel their pain.  Ask anyone that knows me, I cry in almost every movie (sometimes even commercials).  I just feel for others deeply I guess.  I've always considered this annoying or embarrassing that I tend to cry when others cry.  The older I get I realize it's honestly a blessing.  I feel like I can connect with people on a deeper level than most. Also if you know me, you know that I'm not an extrovert.  I am more extroverted when I'm around people I know but it is very draining for me.  I really enjoy my alone time and my downtime at home with just my family.  

SECOND:

I really despise when people are fake.  Be real with me, I'm not here to judge you but I would love to know the REAL you.  If you tell me you're going to do something, then do it.  If you want real friendships, meaningful friendships you have to be vulnerable and real.  A lot of times I think as humans and especially women we want people to think of us a certain way so we tend to be fake or try to be who others want us to be.  I was talking to someone recently and he mentioned that one of the things he loves about Alaina is that she doesn't change who she is to try to fit in with anyone.  She's herself 100% of the time.  I've always loved her ability to include others and reach out to those who are feeling left out.  I had friends like that growing up and it was VITAL for me since I was so extremely shy.  Whether this statement about her is true or not (I don't know what she's like when she's with just her friends) I loved that he said it.  I told Alaina and I told her how proud I am of her for being like that, especially as a teenager.  Middle school is tough, everyone's trying to fit in and figure out who they are.  Stay true to yourself and let your yes be yes and your no be no.  Don't be afraid to set boundaries and stick to them.  It may hurt other people's feelings but it's important for your own peace of mind.  On the Flipside, it took me almost 35 years to figure out who I am, what I like, etc.  I love when people are genuine.  I am a people-pleaser at my core and it took me a long time to figure out who I am.  I was always so worried about what other people thought of me and trying my best to fit in that I never took the time to figure out who I was.  I know when I was younger my mom used to tell me that she could tell who I had been hanging around by the way I acted.  You are the company you keep and if you're not mindful about being yourself you'll end up being someone you were never made to be.  

THIRD:

Actions speak louder than words.  Pat can tell me all day that he loves me but honestly it's the little things he does that show me that he loves me and knows me that really speak to me.  When he cleans the kitchen after dinner or goes to the store for me on the way home from practice when he's already tired.  Pretty much every morning he goes and gets a soda from the gas station and asks if I want anything or just surprises me and brings something home for me.  If you love someone you naturally want to spend time with them, be with them, talk to them, etc.  It doesn't make sense to me to have a relationship if you're not willing to put in the effort and time that the other person deserves.  As we get older, especially with our friendships I know I don't get to talk to some of my friends as much as I'd like to but with others I make it a priority to have "girls days" and catch up, hang out, even if we don't have anything set in stone to do just being together laughing and chatting is refreshing for the soul.  As for a romantic type relationship I've never been interested in one if the other person is always too busy to hang out or doesn't want to be around me, just doesn't make sense to me.  This kind of took a weird turn but in general put your words into actions and see the different results you get ;)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

 What are you thankful for today?  I asked this to Alaina the other day and she spouted off 5 things right away.  If you really had to think about it and dig deep, what are some things you're thankful for that you don't just spout off?  Obviously family, friends, pets, etc but if you really look into WHY are you so thankful for those things?

I am so thankful for friends that become so close they're more like family.  You can show up to their house unannounced and they have piles of laundry everywhere and haven't showered.  You don't care about any of that because you just want to be around them.  I don't know about you but one of my top love languages is quality time.  I don't care what your house looks like, your kids can be running amuck, it doesn't matter. If I get to spend time with you I'm happy.

I'm grateful for a husband that goes and gets me a fountain drink everyday.  Sometimes he surprises me with an extra treat.  He fills up my gas tank so I don't have to, he helps clean up dishes after I made dinner for the family.  I love that he is passionate about coaching.  He's one of my favorite people in the w
hole world, the person I like hanging out with the most, the one I love doing absolutely nothing with or going "treasure hunting" (we love thrifting and flea markets).  I am thankful to have a partner in marriage that loves me, protects me, takes care of me, but also encourages me to follow my dreams.

I'm grateful for my kids.  They're so very different as mentioned before.  Each one unique and both are hilarious, especially when they're not trying to be.  Now that they're teenagers I don't get as much time with them as I'd like but last week we sat down for dinner, just the three of us (Pat was at a soccer practice) and no one had their phone.  It wasn't forced, I didn't tell them they couldn't have their phone on them but we had a real conversation and enjoyed each other's company and it filled my cup overflowing to have that time with my kids because who knows when the next time will be that it happens again.  

I am thankful to live close to my parents and have a great relationship with them.  I travel with my mom at least once a year to visit my brother and his family.  It's one of my very favorite things.  I love road trips anyone but the undivided one on one attention (typically Alaina sleeps majority of the drive) is something I'll treasure forever.  I haven't seen my parents as much this year as I typically do due to me having bronchitis, sinus infection, and ear infection at the end of December/beginning of January and then right into Covid.  Thankfully we're all better and healthy now.

I just wanted to post a quick blurb because this was all on my heart today to share.  So what are YOU grateful for?  I'd love to hear it!

 I want to start off first and foremost by stating that Pat and I are not perfect parents by any means nor do we claim to be.  This is just my ramblings of things I think are important as a parent and I wish I would have had (like an instructional guide) when we first became parents back in 2005.  By the way, looking back we were still babies ourselves but you couldn't tell us any differently.

I remember once during a church service out pastor stated that parenting has stages.  It completely made sense and resonated with me: 

18-24 months = Nurturing

2-5 years = Authoritative

5-adolesence = Interpretive

adolescence = interdependent

late adolescence - adulthood = departure

If you're interested in more, here's the link to the site: https://www.melbournechildpsychology.com.au/blog/adapting-your-parenting-style-for-your-childs-developmental-stage/

Very interesting if you think about it.  Our parenting styles change throughout our kids lives as they grow and mature.  We are currently in the adolescence stage.  There have certainly been joys and tests at every stage.  When Declan was in elementary school we'd get several calls from the principal and it was honestly a real struggle to feel like we were doing a good job as parents and not failing.  Ever since he started 6th grade and was able to move classes every hour we haven't had nearly as many issues.  Alaina as a baby was tough.  She was into everything, always making messes and testing our patience.  As she has gotten older we have grown to love her hyperactive self and her love of life.  She loves big and is an advocate for the underdog.  She is adventurous and always willing to try new things.  Declan is more analytical and practical.  Something Pat and I did when they were really young was try to figure out how God had wired them and really help them develop along that path.  When Declan was little he LOVED cars/hot wheels.  He wanted you to "play" with him but you weren't allowed to touch any of the cars.  He would line them up perfectly in a line and there could not be any out of place.  He is a rule follower to his core and has made the teenage years a breeze so far.  Alaina thrives in chaos.  She loves making new friends, isn't shy from being the center of attention, and is super social.

Navigating the teenage years as a parent of a female has been very different.  Last year was rough with lots of friend drama, losing friends, constant gossip, you name it.  I hate seeing my kids hurt or sad.  I truly felt for her and we navigated through those tough waters the best we could.  Once all of the friend drama settle down Alaina got her first boyfriend.  This brought on new worries, guiding moments, lessons, etc.  It's difficult sometimes knowing how much independence to give while still protecting them and teaching them how to be more mature.  So far it's been good (from what we can tell) and the boy is super sweet and kind to her.  I've really felt it necessary to remind her of her worth, value, how much she's loved, and that she deserves respect.  It is important to look ahead and know that she will eventually have her first broken heart so trying to remind and instill in her who God says she is up front.  Also reminding her that you need to treat others the way you want to be treated so if she wants to feel respected, loved, valued, she needs to do the same.  This goes whether it's a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend.  Declan on the other hand has no interest in a girlfriend because he says he's not ready to pay for someone else all the time.  He's focused on his car and work and of course video games.

I say all of this because many times over the past 16 years the kids have asked Pat or I to sit in the bathroom while they shower.  It's typically when they are the most talkative and vulnerable.  Maybe it's because they can hide behind a curtain and can't see us, who knows.  We've always had the policy that you can ask us ANYTHING and we'll be honest in our answers.  I'd rather them know correct terminology and "processes" from one of us than from a peer, etc.  I don't think there has ever been a time that one of us has said no.  This is our time as a parent to be interested in what they're interested in.  We started this when they were babies, it they're interested in trains, hello kitty, whatever it may be, that was the most important thing to us, too.  Now that they're teenagers we don't get the chance to listen to them tell us things as much as they now want their privacy, however when they do ask for us to listen we do just that.  Don't offer advice or guidance unless they ask for it.  I think that because we practiced this when they were little they're both pretty open with their personal lives and tell us a lot about things that are going on without fear of how we'll respond.  They have to know that we are trustworthy and aren't going to freak out if they tell us something.  

Parenting can be tough and exhausting but it can also be a huge blessing.  I have learned more about myself than I ever knew possible after having someone that acts just like me.  I am extremely grateful that so far the teenage years have been easy.  I know we're just getting started so pray for us ;). 

1. Listen to your kids without giving advice or trying to fix things unless asked

2. Don't be afraid to adjust your parenting style based on what "phase" you're in

3. Enjoy the time you get to spend with your kids doing things THEY love

4. Enjoy the heck out of them because it really does go by so freakin fast

 It's been so long since I've posted anything in here but I've had so much running through my mind lately.  Both of the kids are now teenagers.  Declan is 16, has his own car and a job.  Alaina just turned 14 and still plays soccer and now has a boyfriend added into the mix.  It's been an interesting few years.  Pat and I have been working remotely since the whole Covid thing started back in March of 2020.  It's for sure had it's ups and downs.  I love not having to commute and being home when my kids are here but it can be trying as well especially during the summer when all 4 of us are at home or when the kids were doing virtual learning.  I have to say I'm so proud of the kids and their ability to adapt to change and roll with it. I tell Alaina all the time that I'm amazed and how she works hard and plays club soccer, at one point she was on 3 teams, does extra trainings, gets good grades and still has a social life.  Since Declan quit soccer his grades have been good and he's doing well at work.  He only works 3 days a week (during the school year) but he's now a team lead/trainer and has only been working since July 2021.  It's amazing how much pride you have when your kids do well and succeed in life.

With all of that said, the age that my kids are at now really brings memories flooding back of when I was their age.  The choices that I made, the friends that I had, the things we'd do for fun.  Would I go back, absolutely not.  I really enjoy my life now.  Although, especially with girls, it's so much drama.  No matter how much you tell your kids you love them, you're proud of them, they're awesome, and precious, and valuable they don't seem to get it when it comes from mom and dad.  I think it's so incredibly important for kids to have a coach, mentor (aunt/uncle/etc), boss, whatever that can speak into their lives even if it's saying the exact same thing, it's not mom and dad and will most likely be received differently.  The older I get the more I realize I don't know especially about parenting.

I just wanted to write a quick note to say how grateful I am for my husband and my kids, for the friends that they have made along the way and the friends I've had for many years.  I'm grateful that I get to be home even if it's because of a global pandemic.  I am so very thankful that I have a close relationship with my parents (especially my mama).  I'm just incredibly thankful!

All Aboard the Crazy Train

Have you ever had that moment in life or in parenting where someone asks "where are you headed" and the only thing that comes to mind is "crazy"?  I don't know how many times I've said that to my kids as a response to "where are we going".  In this thing called life, things can get crazy and it sometimes feels like you're sinking.

I've been blessed to be married for about 12 1/2 years now and Pat has become my confidante, cheerleader, comfort, and rest.  At the end of the day I know I have my family who always has my back no matter what life may throw our way I know we can get through it together.  Through the years I've had to really think about who I am now and who it is I want to be or who I think God wants me to be.  It's hard sometimes to figure out what your purpose is in this life or what you're put here to do that really brings glory to God and that you just absolutely love doing.  Just the other day I was sitting at work and I was thinking, man I really like my job.  I get to meet new people all the time and I help keep myself and my recruiters organized but is that really my calling?!  Is that really what I was put here on earth to do?

As much as I hate to admit it because I'm almost as old as his mother, I am a Justin Bieber fan.  Don't hate me!  Anyway, I've found myself listening to some of his interviews he's done recently and just things he's said and how he's changed.  I remember when Pat and I were about his age, early 20s and it felt like we were being pulled in a million directions.  I was a new Christian myself and Pat was as well.  We were trying to navigate through figuring out who we were and what we needed to become.  We both knew we wanted to have kids and start a family and we had some mentors and absolutely amazing friends that we could trust and bounce decisions off of that were much further along in their christian walk than we were.  I'm so thankful that we had those friends then and that we still have those friends today.  There have been so many times in my life where I just needed someone to listen, other times where I needed Godly advice from someone who wasn't afraid to tell me the truth but to tell me in love.  Back to the Biebs...I think about how hard is was for me and for Pat being average joe's trying to navigate that time in our lives.  I cannot even imagine what it's like for a star, any star, to go through that time in their life, feeling alone, vulnerable, and just sometimes lost.  I think it's amazing that with him being so young and as rich and famous as he is that he seems to be grounded and he's been able to seek out mentors that really speak life into him, help him through his struggles.  I can't imagine how hard it must be to find people who you can actually trust and aren't just after you for your fame or fortune.

The more I thought about the Biebs the more I realized, he's away from his family so much.  Touring the world and being gone so much has to be hard.  Having to put on a smile when you're having a bad day or when you're feeling lonely or sad I'm sure is tough.  Something that popped in my head as a comparison when my mind was just wandering aimlessly while thinking about this the other night is our friends that are more like family went through something similar.  Granted they're not superstars or rich and famous but they gave up everything, traveled the country to raise money to be able to become missionaries in another country.  They're away from everyone and everything they knew to give selflessly to those around them.  I thought about while traveling how many times did they get a home cooked meal, how many times did they get to just relax and rest, how many times did they get to stay in a home instead of just a hotel.  Here's what my thinking is: One of my very favorite things to do was to have them stay with us when they came through St. Louis.  Even though our home is small and it was a total of 9 of us staying here, I loved every minute of it.  I liked making food for them, giving them a home to relax, feel rejuvenated because here's the thing, when you're at our house I don't wait on you.  We want you to be comfortable with making yourself at home.  If you're thirsty grab a drink you shouldn't have to ask.  I was just thinking how awesome it would be to be a "host home" for missionaries passing through.  One of my love languages is Acts of Service.  I love doing things for people and just seeing them happy and enjoying their time.  I want my life to make a difference in others, not merely go to work, come home and go to bed.  Who's with me?!

Why do we...

As I'm sitting at home alone for a little while (Pat took the kids to the library so I could have a little peace and quiet) I was cleaning up the kitchen and doing a quick load of laundry and vacuuming.  While I was physically doing things, my mind was somewhere else completely.  Why do we as women, or maybe it's just me, rely on what others think of us so much?  We put on a facade that we have the best family, the most amazing kids, we compare our bodies to other women, and we take to heart when someone tells us we're pretty (or the opposite).  It made me start thinking of my past…

In 6th grade I remember having my first boy/girl birthday party and I was so excited.  We played the game spin the bottle and it was akward and weird but fun.  I remember at that age, 11 or 12 years old thinking that I needed to be something that I thought guys wanted.  I came from a loving family, both of my parents are still married today so why did I feel it was necessary to do whatever means necesary to get guys' attention?  Move forward to 7th grade.  I had my first "boyfriend" and despite everyone telling me he was only looking for one thing, I ignored them and we had fun hanging out.  We went to a bonfire, because that's what you do when you have friends in the boonies ;).  I did some things that looking back, I regret.  He never forced anything on me, never pressured me to do anything, never was rude or mean to me.  After that night, I broke things off pretty quickly realizing my friends were right and they love me and were trying to protect me. Then along comes high school.  I'm at a friend's house and I see a cute guy and ask her who he was.  Come to find out he lived up the street from her and was friends with a mutal friend of ours.  He had a girlfriend at the time, so I didn't think much of it but we all started hanging out as friends.  During this time, I was still concerned with how others saw me or thought of me.  Eventually that guy and I dated for a while in high school and things were great.  He was fun and funny and everyone seemed to like him.  I remember one time specifically he'd come over after school and we were sitting on my front porch talking and I don't remember the whole conversation or the context but I remember his words still to this day, "well you're not the prettiest girl…".  That crushed me.  Why did I care so much about what he thought about my appearance?  Eventually him and I broke up and I decided I was going to work on me.  I eventually got saved and started exercising regularly, started wearing make up (yeah I didn't really wear any until my senior year of highschool), and I started reading my bible.  Then comes another guy.  He's a friend of a friend, and they introduced me to him knowing that I hadn't had a boyfriend in a while and we were just looking to hang out and have fun, nothing serious.  This guy, he told me how pretty I was and how he liked my eyes.  He would bring me flowers and despite my best efforts, I ended up falling for him and we dated all summer before my senior year.  Even though I got saved pretty much right before I met him, I went down a dark path while dating him and really started relying on his word and his thoughts of me.  He ended up cheating on me and leaving me at a school dance and I was devastated.  I think this set the tone of trust for any of my future relationships.  It makes it hard for me to now believe my husband when he tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves everything about me.  There's always that little voice in the back of my head that is saying "he doesn't really mean it, he's just saying that to get what he wants".  I hate that those thoughts creep in, that they play over in my mind because it's not my husband's fault that someone else hurt me.  I have no reason to doubt him when he tells me I'm beautiful.  I still have a hard time not comparing myself to other women and feeling like I don't measure up.

Anyway, so as all of these thoughts about my past are running through my mind, I start thinking about Alaina.  I want her to know who she is in Christ, that's she's beautiful and treasured.  I want her to know that we love her no matter what and that God has big plans for her future.  I don't want her to have to rely on what boys tell her or what her friends say.  I don't want her to compare herself to other girls because she's special and unique and God only made one of her.  I love how happy and sweet and silly and funny she is and I know that if I love all of that about her, how much more does God love all those things (and more) about her?!  I'm just rambling on but basically my goal, as a mom, is to just instill in her who she is in Christ so she never has to rely on the world's opinion of her.