Have you ever felt so confused about what you were supposed to do with your life, or where God is leading you? I am just overwhelmed when I think about where our lives started together and where we are now. Even though Pat and I have been together for 10 years and married for almost 7 years, I feel like we are in the same boat we were in when we got married. I'm not throwing a pity party for myself, I am just reflecting on our past and our current situation.
We got married in December of 2004, I was 21 and Pat was 22 years old. Everyone told us we were too young to get married but I never believed that. If you're willing to love and forgive, I don't think there is such a thing as too young. We both knew we wanted children so we started right away. A month after we were married, I found out I was pregnant with our first! I always heard that the first year of marriage was the worst and I have to disagree. It was a change, figuring out how to start a life with another person, but it was a fun change. I enjoyed it so much. Then in March of 2007 I found out I was pregnant with our second child and we were both really excited. By this time, I was no longer working out of the home and I was babysitting out of our home. When we found out we were having a girl, it was even more exciting and we were soooo blessed. People gave us so many clothes that I don't think we bought any clothes for Alaina until she was almost two years old. After she was born we had a very difficult time. Pat had just started going back to school, he was working a lot of overtime, and Alaina proved to be a difficult baby to care for. It was very stressful on our marriage as well as us individually. When we were going through some trying times, I thought to myself, this is probably the worse thing that would happen to us. Things were bad and in the midst of it all, it seemed like it would never end. It took us about a year but we finally pulled through and I honestly believe that if it wasn't for God and some faithful friends in our lives, we wouldn't have made it. I love having friends that don't just tell you what you want to hear but the things that you need to hear even if it makes you upset, you know they're right.
Since then, our life has been pretty uneventful (in a good way). We found a great church, met some great people, changed job situations quite a bit, Pat finished school, I am about to finish school, and Declan's getting ready to start kindergarten. Up until this year we have had a few rough spots, but overall, things have been great! When Pat lost his job back in March, we were excited to see what God had in store for us. We had enough finances to get us through a couple of months and we were fully trusting in God to show us the next step. It has now been 4 months that Pat has been unemployed and both of us have been looking for jobs. I have interviewed with three different places and Pat with one place and it seems we can't catch a break. We are trying to be as humble as possible, applying to any job, and not thinking that we're above doing anything. Things are really tough right now and I have learned and am learning how to trust God more and more, little by little. As the time goes on, it gets a little more intimidating and scary and we are starting to question everything. Are we doing all that we can do, are we looking everywhere we can, are we willing to do what needs to be done. I honestly believe and feel that we are doing everything we're supposed to be doing. It's becoming so frustrating to feel like you're doing everything you need to do and nothing seems to be happening.
Above all I know that God has a plan. I know that God does not have a plan of destruction for us but a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). I know these things in my head and in my heart. I keep thinking of the song by Josh Wilson called Before the Morning. This song has gotten me through many times that I felt discouraged or disheartened. I know that good things are coming, I just have to trust that God's timing is ALWAYS perfect.
Thanks for reading!