As a parent have you ever had those moments where you're just like "what were you thinking?", "I know I taught you better than that", "I'm so embarrassed that you did this"?  I have, well I've had several of those moments having been a parent of 18 years.  It started when the kids were super young.  Two things I remember right off the bat that were embarrassing then but funny now.  When Declan was little I took him with me to shop for new bras.  He proceeded to walk through and grab all of the padded bras proclaiming "mommy I like these boobies".  Alaina, when she was potty training had to see every bathroom of every place we went to.  You know how there is a little gap between the door and the stall lock closure wall thingy?  Yeah she used to peek in and say "mommy we know her".  I just wanted to crawl under the floor I was so embarrassed.  As the kids got older there were many more instances that made me question my parenting abilities and had me thinking maybe I was too young to know what I was doing raising two small kids.  

But then there are other moments that make you beam with pride as a parent and you realize the kids really have been listening and you are doing a good job raising them.  There was one time in the store at the check-out there was a frazzled mom in front of us with one little girl in the cart (probably 2 years old if I had to guess) another next to the cart asking tons of questions (4 if I had to guess) and a baby crying that this poor woman was trying to console.  She was frazzled, the baby was screaming and the cashier rang her out, she paid and the cashier just left all the bags on the counter at the end of the checkout.  I could tell this lady was at her wits end and about to just cry.  I asked Alaina to help the woman put the bags into the cart and we were finished checking out by that time so we helped the lady to her car.  Alaina pushed the cart and I held the other little girl's hand so the mom could just focus on the baby.  We have always told our kids to choose their friends wisely (1 Corinthians 15:33) and that if their friends are doing something bad and our kids are with them and they all get caught, they're just as guilty even if they aren't participating (guilty by association).  Our kids have told us on several occasions they don't even like going to the bathroom at school because everyone is in there vaping.  I'm not naive to think that teenagers aren't going to experiment or try to push the boundaries, it's almost expected.  Alaina has told me on several occasions that friends and such have done edibles or tried alcohol, etc.  Declan is much more tight lipped ;)

Recently I had one of those moments that I am just so proud as a parent.  Alaina was invited to a party, she went, she was having a good time and was supposed to sleep over.  At about 11pm she texted me asking if I was still awake and asked if I could come get her.  She picked up an early shift for the next day so I thought she just wanted to come home and get a good night's sleep before work.  When I picked her up I asked her why she wanted me to come get her (for reference she's NEVER left a sleepover early).  She said that the girls were doing things that she didn't want to be a part of and she just wanted to come home.  She apologized for asking me to come get her so late and I told her how proud of her I was.  I don't care if it's 2am or 4am or whatever, I will always come get you if you're uncomfortable or feel unsafe.  I always thought that Alaina would be my party animal and try things because it looks fun, but in this moment I realized how mature she really is for her age, that she's been listening to Pat and I all these years, and that the way we parent is working for our kids.  I don't write this to brag because as before, I'm sure there will be more times where I will be like "What were you thinking" but for today and for now, I'm super proud of our girl.

On the other hand, I had my first tough phone call to make as a parent.  I called my mom to ask her what I should do because I know the girl's parents where the girls were staying the night and I knew that this was not acceptable behavior for their kids.  My mom said "if the shoe was on the other foot you would want to know, you have to tell her parents".  I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT!  I was really hoping my mom would just be like, well Alaina did the right thing, no harm, no foul.  I had to put on my big girl pants and make a phone call.  I do not like confrontation at all but my mom was right.  If the roles were reversed I'd 100% want to know.  I made the phone call and it went so much better than I had figured it would.  The other parent was so apologetic for having Alaina in this situation.  As a parent myself I empathized and told her no need to apologize, we're all trying to do this parenting thing best we can.  Overall it was a good outcome and I'm glad I made the call but man I did not want to.  One, I didn't want to betray Alaina's trust in telling me what was going on and two, I didn't want any of the other girls to retaliate against Alaina.  The parent said that she would not mention that it was told to her but she found evidence since the party hadn't been cleaned up yet.  Parenting is hard and the more people we have to love our kids and share in the journey with us the better.  I am grateful that I already knew this person's parents as I think that made it a little easier but gosh it's difficult.  

 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I know that this day can be difficult for some.  Some women that long to be mothers and aren't able to conceive, those who have conceived and lost, and those who have lost their children before you felt it was their time.  My heart goes out to you and aches for you.  I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you've had, however I can say that I'm here and willing to listen, cry with you, and hold your hand as you walk through your valleys.  

I also want to say a HUGE thank you to all of those that have influenced my life.  For my mom being the one that never wanted kids, I'm so glad that she changed her mind.  My mom, she's always been there for me through all of the peaks and valleys of my life whether I created them myself or just happened to walk through them.  She's been my biggest cheerleader, my hiking buddy, my confidant, my road trip sidekick, and my extra hand when I needed it.  She allowed me to make mistakes growing up so that I could learn from them, mature, and move on.  She's seen me at my highest of highs and lowest of lows and loved me through them all.  I am forever grateful for the mother I was given and the friend that I now have.  I also received two bonus moms when I married Pat.  I have learned so much from both his mom and step-mom.  Kim loves to garden, cook, makes beautiful place settings for family gatherings and always make sure the family gets together for the holidays.  She's baked cookies with my kids at Christmas time, carved pumpkins with them at Halloween, and dyed eggs with them at Easter.  Her love of genealogy excites her and she loves telling our kids about their ancestors.  Lydia shares my love of baking and is an encourager and a cheerleader.  She loves coming to watch the kids in their sports and is always there if I need someone to just listen and let me vent.  We love to talk about recipes and family and soccer.  Not only did I gain two extra moms I also gained another grandma, Pat's Grandma Judy.  I enjoy all of the family I have gained through my husband.  

 Random thoughts and Updates:

Why is it that our best thinking comes at times when we cannot write things down.  I mean, the other day I was in the shower and these thoughts were just coming to me left and right and I was like man these are great, I really should write these down so I remember them or can share them.  Whether we're showering, driving, laying down to go to sleep I believe there are times when our brain is most relaxed and we can finally have some genuine thoughts.

Many of you probably don't know but I do not set New Years resolutions.  I just got tired of not meeting my goals and giving up by February.  This year even though I didn't set a resolution, I did set some goals for myself that would still give me some leeway in case I messed up or stumbled.  

1. I want to read at least 12 books this year (one for each month).  So far I am currently on number 10 and I already have number 11 waiting for me.  I can put the links below to what I've been reading in case you're interested.

2. I want to be a better role-model for my kids.  My health has never been a priority to me.  I've always wanted to be a wife and a mother and never gave my health a thought really.  As a teenager I enjoyed working out and lifting weights but then life happens and I've slowly let myself go.  The other day I was thinking, man I thought I was done parenting for the most part.  My kids are almost 18 and 15.  But then it struck me that now is the time that our kids are going to watch my actions more than listen to my words.  We have REALLY lucked out in the teenager department and we have some great kids and I am so very grateful.  I realize though that if I want to be a better role-model I have to be worthy of being someone others want to follow.  With that I've decided to start exercising and watching what I eat.  I decided to do a 40 day sugar fast and to my surprise Alaina said she'd do it with me.  Not only that but her boyfriend and one of her friends joined in as well.  I didn't have to tell her to do it, I didn't encourage her to follow my lead, she CHOSE to do it and that makes me so very happy.

3. I've started filling my brain with truths about who God says I am, what I can accomplish, and where he's leading me.  I was at a women's event at church a few years ago, right before Covid hit.  I remember after the lesson we split into smaller groups to discuss some related questions and one was "what is your motivation/drive".  I remember sitting there and not being able to come up with anything.  I was like what in the world is my purpose.  As I mentioned above the only things I ever wanted was to be a mom and a wife, that's it.  Once that happened I guess I just decided to coast and "see what happens".  

4. I want to be more intentional in my thoughts and actions.  The easy path and easy options are no longer an option.  Yes it's convenient to grab something quick to eat from fast food or gas station food or just the processed quick foods to make at home.  I've learned that to change I have to be more intentional.  Being healthy takes more planning, prep, perseverance, and persistence but the payoff is so much greater.  I want to be intentional about what I say to others, how I say things to others, my actions, and my choices.  

We are now in month 5 of 2023 and I have been working on these all year so far.  I have a long journey ahead but I also have great support and a personal cheerleader (thank you Pat) who believes in me and encourages me to keep going even when somedays it would be easier to just give up.  I just wanted to share an update since it's been about a year since I've written anything.  What is going on in your life?  Anything you're working on or towards this year?

Books I've read so far this year: 

https://www.booksradar.com/coben-harlan/coben.html#2437

Author: Harlan Coben - these are suspense/thriller - The Match, I Will Find You, The Boy From the Woods, Missing You, Tell No One, Fool Me Once

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=overcoming+overwhelmed+erik+lawson&crid=3TYFZL7N1YHDW&sprefix=erik+lawson%2Caps%2C134&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_6_11

Overcoming Overwhelmed by Erik Lawson

https://www.amazon.com/Nefarious-Plot-Steve-Deace/dp/1682611523/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=580631589312&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11823108814152330207&hvtargid=kwd-309568623575&hydadcr=10026_13483884&keywords=steve+deace+nefarious+plot&qid=1683498313&sr=8-1

Author: Steve Peace - Nefarious Plot

https://www.amazon.com/40-Day-Sugar-Fast-Spiritual-Transformation/dp/0801094577/ref=sxts_entity_rec_bsx_s_def_r00_t_aufl?content-id=amzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6%3Aamzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&cv_ct_cx=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&hvadid=580750081871&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=280933199357746321&hvtargid=kwd-946357220317&hydadcr=22563_13493224&keywords=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&pd_rd_i=0801094577&pd_rd_r=d0c4a901-dc6a-4e90-a0c0-d725a76317c1&pd_rd_w=T2CaE&pd_rd_wg=2q0jQ&pf_rd_p=4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&pf_rd_r=YCA0FN70WYAKJE6EBF2K&qid=1683498109&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sr=1-1-42c1d7c4-51c2-42cf-80a4-c0488607bdfe

The 40 Day Sugar Fast by Wendy Speake 

Currently Reading: 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=uninvited+lysa&i=stripbooks&hvadid=558570236281&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1680665140076194261&hvtargid=kwd-301536084699&hydadcr=22533_10344512&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_7l6kempv1j_e

Uninvited by Lisa TerKeurst

Many times when I come here to "blog" it's more of me just putting down on paper the ramblings that are in my head.  A couple things that came to my mind this past week: 

FIRST:

People like to tell me things.  I guess I'm a good listener without interjecting my opinions unless asked.  I'm a good "secret keeper".  I've always been one of those people that can be standing in line at the grocery store or somewhere and people feel inclined to tell me their life story.  For me this sometimes causes me anxiety because I tend to put myself in other's shoes quite often and I can feel their pain.  Ask anyone that knows me, I cry in almost every movie (sometimes even commercials).  I just feel for others deeply I guess.  I've always considered this annoying or embarrassing that I tend to cry when others cry.  The older I get I realize it's honestly a blessing.  I feel like I can connect with people on a deeper level than most. Also if you know me, you know that I'm not an extrovert.  I am more extroverted when I'm around people I know but it is very draining for me.  I really enjoy my alone time and my downtime at home with just my family.  

SECOND:

I really despise when people are fake.  Be real with me, I'm not here to judge you but I would love to know the REAL you.  If you tell me you're going to do something, then do it.  If you want real friendships, meaningful friendships you have to be vulnerable and real.  A lot of times I think as humans and especially women we want people to think of us a certain way so we tend to be fake or try to be who others want us to be.  I was talking to someone recently and he mentioned that one of the things he loves about Alaina is that she doesn't change who she is to try to fit in with anyone.  She's herself 100% of the time.  I've always loved her ability to include others and reach out to those who are feeling left out.  I had friends like that growing up and it was VITAL for me since I was so extremely shy.  Whether this statement about her is true or not (I don't know what she's like when she's with just her friends) I loved that he said it.  I told Alaina and I told her how proud I am of her for being like that, especially as a teenager.  Middle school is tough, everyone's trying to fit in and figure out who they are.  Stay true to yourself and let your yes be yes and your no be no.  Don't be afraid to set boundaries and stick to them.  It may hurt other people's feelings but it's important for your own peace of mind.  On the Flipside, it took me almost 35 years to figure out who I am, what I like, etc.  I love when people are genuine.  I am a people-pleaser at my core and it took me a long time to figure out who I am.  I was always so worried about what other people thought of me and trying my best to fit in that I never took the time to figure out who I was.  I know when I was younger my mom used to tell me that she could tell who I had been hanging around by the way I acted.  You are the company you keep and if you're not mindful about being yourself you'll end up being someone you were never made to be.  

THIRD:

Actions speak louder than words.  Pat can tell me all day that he loves me but honestly it's the little things he does that show me that he loves me and knows me that really speak to me.  When he cleans the kitchen after dinner or goes to the store for me on the way home from practice when he's already tired.  Pretty much every morning he goes and gets a soda from the gas station and asks if I want anything or just surprises me and brings something home for me.  If you love someone you naturally want to spend time with them, be with them, talk to them, etc.  It doesn't make sense to me to have a relationship if you're not willing to put in the effort and time that the other person deserves.  As we get older, especially with our friendships I know I don't get to talk to some of my friends as much as I'd like to but with others I make it a priority to have "girls days" and catch up, hang out, even if we don't have anything set in stone to do just being together laughing and chatting is refreshing for the soul.  As for a romantic type relationship I've never been interested in one if the other person is always too busy to hang out or doesn't want to be around me, just doesn't make sense to me.  This kind of took a weird turn but in general put your words into actions and see the different results you get ;)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

 What are you thankful for today?  I asked this to Alaina the other day and she spouted off 5 things right away.  If you really had to think about it and dig deep, what are some things you're thankful for that you don't just spout off?  Obviously family, friends, pets, etc but if you really look into WHY are you so thankful for those things?

I am so thankful for friends that become so close they're more like family.  You can show up to their house unannounced and they have piles of laundry everywhere and haven't showered.  You don't care about any of that because you just want to be around them.  I don't know about you but one of my top love languages is quality time.  I don't care what your house looks like, your kids can be running amuck, it doesn't matter. If I get to spend time with you I'm happy.

I'm grateful for a husband that goes and gets me a fountain drink everyday.  Sometimes he surprises me with an extra treat.  He fills up my gas tank so I don't have to, he helps clean up dishes after I made dinner for the family.  I love that he is passionate about coaching.  He's one of my favorite people in the w
hole world, the person I like hanging out with the most, the one I love doing absolutely nothing with or going "treasure hunting" (we love thrifting and flea markets).  I am thankful to have a partner in marriage that loves me, protects me, takes care of me, but also encourages me to follow my dreams.

I'm grateful for my kids.  They're so very different as mentioned before.  Each one unique and both are hilarious, especially when they're not trying to be.  Now that they're teenagers I don't get as much time with them as I'd like but last week we sat down for dinner, just the three of us (Pat was at a soccer practice) and no one had their phone.  It wasn't forced, I didn't tell them they couldn't have their phone on them but we had a real conversation and enjoyed each other's company and it filled my cup overflowing to have that time with my kids because who knows when the next time will be that it happens again.  

I am thankful to live close to my parents and have a great relationship with them.  I travel with my mom at least once a year to visit my brother and his family.  It's one of my very favorite things.  I love road trips anyone but the undivided one on one attention (typically Alaina sleeps majority of the drive) is something I'll treasure forever.  I haven't seen my parents as much this year as I typically do due to me having bronchitis, sinus infection, and ear infection at the end of December/beginning of January and then right into Covid.  Thankfully we're all better and healthy now.

I just wanted to post a quick blurb because this was all on my heart today to share.  So what are YOU grateful for?  I'd love to hear it!

 I want to start off first and foremost by stating that Pat and I are not perfect parents by any means nor do we claim to be.  This is just my ramblings of things I think are important as a parent and I wish I would have had (like an instructional guide) when we first became parents back in 2005.  By the way, looking back we were still babies ourselves but you couldn't tell us any differently.

I remember once during a church service out pastor stated that parenting has stages.  It completely made sense and resonated with me: 

18-24 months = Nurturing

2-5 years = Authoritative

5-adolesence = Interpretive

adolescence = interdependent

late adolescence - adulthood = departure

If you're interested in more, here's the link to the site: https://www.melbournechildpsychology.com.au/blog/adapting-your-parenting-style-for-your-childs-developmental-stage/

Very interesting if you think about it.  Our parenting styles change throughout our kids lives as they grow and mature.  We are currently in the adolescence stage.  There have certainly been joys and tests at every stage.  When Declan was in elementary school we'd get several calls from the principal and it was honestly a real struggle to feel like we were doing a good job as parents and not failing.  Ever since he started 6th grade and was able to move classes every hour we haven't had nearly as many issues.  Alaina as a baby was tough.  She was into everything, always making messes and testing our patience.  As she has gotten older we have grown to love her hyperactive self and her love of life.  She loves big and is an advocate for the underdog.  She is adventurous and always willing to try new things.  Declan is more analytical and practical.  Something Pat and I did when they were really young was try to figure out how God had wired them and really help them develop along that path.  When Declan was little he LOVED cars/hot wheels.  He wanted you to "play" with him but you weren't allowed to touch any of the cars.  He would line them up perfectly in a line and there could not be any out of place.  He is a rule follower to his core and has made the teenage years a breeze so far.  Alaina thrives in chaos.  She loves making new friends, isn't shy from being the center of attention, and is super social.

Navigating the teenage years as a parent of a female has been very different.  Last year was rough with lots of friend drama, losing friends, constant gossip, you name it.  I hate seeing my kids hurt or sad.  I truly felt for her and we navigated through those tough waters the best we could.  Once all of the friend drama settle down Alaina got her first boyfriend.  This brought on new worries, guiding moments, lessons, etc.  It's difficult sometimes knowing how much independence to give while still protecting them and teaching them how to be more mature.  So far it's been good (from what we can tell) and the boy is super sweet and kind to her.  I've really felt it necessary to remind her of her worth, value, how much she's loved, and that she deserves respect.  It is important to look ahead and know that she will eventually have her first broken heart so trying to remind and instill in her who God says she is up front.  Also reminding her that you need to treat others the way you want to be treated so if she wants to feel respected, loved, valued, she needs to do the same.  This goes whether it's a friend or boyfriend/girlfriend.  Declan on the other hand has no interest in a girlfriend because he says he's not ready to pay for someone else all the time.  He's focused on his car and work and of course video games.

I say all of this because many times over the past 16 years the kids have asked Pat or I to sit in the bathroom while they shower.  It's typically when they are the most talkative and vulnerable.  Maybe it's because they can hide behind a curtain and can't see us, who knows.  We've always had the policy that you can ask us ANYTHING and we'll be honest in our answers.  I'd rather them know correct terminology and "processes" from one of us than from a peer, etc.  I don't think there has ever been a time that one of us has said no.  This is our time as a parent to be interested in what they're interested in.  We started this when they were babies, it they're interested in trains, hello kitty, whatever it may be, that was the most important thing to us, too.  Now that they're teenagers we don't get the chance to listen to them tell us things as much as they now want their privacy, however when they do ask for us to listen we do just that.  Don't offer advice or guidance unless they ask for it.  I think that because we practiced this when they were little they're both pretty open with their personal lives and tell us a lot about things that are going on without fear of how we'll respond.  They have to know that we are trustworthy and aren't going to freak out if they tell us something.  

Parenting can be tough and exhausting but it can also be a huge blessing.  I have learned more about myself than I ever knew possible after having someone that acts just like me.  I am extremely grateful that so far the teenage years have been easy.  I know we're just getting started so pray for us ;). 

1. Listen to your kids without giving advice or trying to fix things unless asked

2. Don't be afraid to adjust your parenting style based on what "phase" you're in

3. Enjoy the time you get to spend with your kids doing things THEY love

4. Enjoy the heck out of them because it really does go by so freakin fast

 It's been so long since I've posted anything in here but I've had so much running through my mind lately.  Both of the kids are now teenagers.  Declan is 16, has his own car and a job.  Alaina just turned 14 and still plays soccer and now has a boyfriend added into the mix.  It's been an interesting few years.  Pat and I have been working remotely since the whole Covid thing started back in March of 2020.  It's for sure had it's ups and downs.  I love not having to commute and being home when my kids are here but it can be trying as well especially during the summer when all 4 of us are at home or when the kids were doing virtual learning.  I have to say I'm so proud of the kids and their ability to adapt to change and roll with it. I tell Alaina all the time that I'm amazed and how she works hard and plays club soccer, at one point she was on 3 teams, does extra trainings, gets good grades and still has a social life.  Since Declan quit soccer his grades have been good and he's doing well at work.  He only works 3 days a week (during the school year) but he's now a team lead/trainer and has only been working since July 2021.  It's amazing how much pride you have when your kids do well and succeed in life.

With all of that said, the age that my kids are at now really brings memories flooding back of when I was their age.  The choices that I made, the friends that I had, the things we'd do for fun.  Would I go back, absolutely not.  I really enjoy my life now.  Although, especially with girls, it's so much drama.  No matter how much you tell your kids you love them, you're proud of them, they're awesome, and precious, and valuable they don't seem to get it when it comes from mom and dad.  I think it's so incredibly important for kids to have a coach, mentor (aunt/uncle/etc), boss, whatever that can speak into their lives even if it's saying the exact same thing, it's not mom and dad and will most likely be received differently.  The older I get the more I realize I don't know especially about parenting.

I just wanted to write a quick note to say how grateful I am for my husband and my kids, for the friends that they have made along the way and the friends I've had for many years.  I'm grateful that I get to be home even if it's because of a global pandemic.  I am so very thankful that I have a close relationship with my parents (especially my mama).  I'm just incredibly thankful!