We are nearing the end of February and it's still been a rough year.  We've had some good things, too though so we've tried not to dwell on the negative and scary.  

February 2nd we were at one of Alaina's indoor games in Fenton and Declan texted me that he had gotten pulled over.  Apparently when the police officer ran his plates it didn't show as registered to him.  He told Declan he needed to go to the DMV to get that straightened out.

I did the kids' taxes at the beginning of February and Declan's were rejected.  The social security from his W2 didn't match what the SSA had on file for him.  To be fair, the last digit was really difficult to read.  So we had to make a trip to the SSA office (so fun) and get that straightened out, have his employer update their records, and print a new W2 with the correct SSN.

Pat went to court for the incident with Dipper and paid the fine.  We got our fence and Dipper was confused at first why he couldn't see any of his "friends" when they barked.  They put the fence up so quickly and it's so nice, I must say.

There were some things that happened with Pat's work that had us a little worried but we're trusting God and continuing to do the right thing.

My birthday was wonderful.  I took the day off, had an eye exam so I could get more contacts, got a free Starbucks drink, free Chick Fil A, and a free cookie from Crumbl.  I read most of the afternoon and then all 4 of us went to dinner at Tony's on Main Street (thanks Uncle John and Tammie).  It was so nice to all go out to dinner together.  Afterwards we stopped by my parents house and had cake with them.  Alaina was sweet and made, iced, and decorated my birthday cake all by herself!  I was given gifts from Pat, Alaina, Declan, my parents, and Pat's dad and step-mom.  It was just a really great day and I am grateful to have that time with family <3

We visited a new church, Alaina visited a new youth group, we've watched countless indoor soccer games, and we even watched the super bowl this year.  Overall it's been eventful but I'm glad to have my family by my side through it all.

This month has been nothing short of eventful.  For those of you that aren't aware we had a rough start to 2024.  Dipper attacked our neighbor's dog earlier this month (thankfully she's healing and is fine) but as a result Pat has a court date to go in February, we are getting a fence installed, and Dipper was quarantined for 10 days.  Later that evening, Alaina and I went to the movies and she was trying to open a bag of candy with her teeth and chipped one of her front teeth.  We had to go to the dentist the very next day and as we were leaving and making a right to get onto 364, she got into a fender bender (with me), she rear-ended me (her in the corolla and me in the 4Runner).  It was easy to feel overwhelmed and down for a week or two because 1. we didn't know if our neighbor's dog was even going to be okay, 2. the expense of everything that happened within 2 days time, and 3. where we were going to come up with the money to pay for all of this stuff.  Thankfully Pat and I vented to each other, prayed about it, and let it go.

A week or so later we found out the neighbor's dog was going to be fine (thankfully), Alaina's tooth was fixed, and the fence is coming (once the weather permits).  On a good note, I got to take Declan to visit his first (and only) college.  He is thinking about going to State Tech Missouri in Linn, MO.  It was a very nice school, VERY small town, and I think he really liked it.  I don't get much one on one time with him so it was nice to have an entire day just him and I to hang out.  I really enjoyed it and he seemed to as well.  I think the reality of him becoming an adult and possibly only living at home for a few more months is starting to sink in.  He, as many boys do, waited until the last minute to sign up for the A+ program through school so he's doing his tutoring and if he gets it all done, his school tuition will be free (PRAISE THE LORD) and he'll just have to pay for tools, books, and a place to live.  The program is only 2 years and they help you to find a job afterwards.  I think he's excited but also a little nervous.

Last October or November Alaina had a scout from Stephen's College reach out to her out of the blue to see if he could come watch her play in a tournament.  He ended up coming to two of her tournaments and then reached out at the beginning of January and asked if she'd be interested in coming and touring the school and playing with some of the current girls that play on their team.  Only 15 spots were available and so we went and did that yesterday.  She had a good time and it was nice to tour the school with her.  Pat and I had never been to Columbia, MO to just visit.  The coach told her that she should hear something from him within the next couple of weeks regarding notes and things to work on, etc.  They can't officially offer any scholarships until you're a Junior in HS so nothing was officially said.  She was the youngest of the girls that were there and she surprised herself that she was able to hang just fine.  Afterwards we had to drive from Columbia to Fenton because she had two indoor games to play in last night and she killed it.  It was so fun watching her.

So although our month started off a little rocky and I was freaking out that our entire year was going to be that way, there are so many things to be thankful for!  To say we are proud of our kids would be an understatement.  I can't believe that they're as old as they are and it's so bittersweet watching them grow into the people God has created them to be and watching them shine.  Their ambition and goals blow me away and I'm constantly humbled by their grit and tenacity.  I love having a front row seat to watch them bloom!

  

I am just so very grateful.  I am so thankful for relationships that God has put into my life/our lives over the years.  Whether it was through church, work, school, etc.  There are always people in our lives that are there for a reason.  Parenting is difficult so having friends along to help is crucial.

Not too long ago there were some things that happened that I was really struggling with.  I was very anxious, worried, upset, and disappointed.  Out of nowhere someone that I had met years ago reached out to me and encouraged me, she cheered me on and empathized with me as a parent.  A few things she said that really stuck out to me and helped me more than she will probably ever know.  Parenting teenagers is HARD, it takes a village and God has placed certain people in your life so you're not doing life alone.  

1. Your child still loves you and needs you and is just trying to figure out how to be independent

2. You aren't responsible for your child's actions or reactions to you, your job is to pursue them, encourage them to do what's right, and show them you love them.

3. God loves them more than we do.  Pray for them and ask God to chase them down and bring them back

4. Be patient

5. Set boundaries and expectations but also show grace and understanding

6. Notice the good things they do, point them out, and make a BIG deal about them

7. With teenagers, when things are rough, they're really rough but when things are lovely, they're very lovely.  Remember the lovely times until the rough times become lovely again.

Things have been so much better the past couple of weeks and I'm so thankful that she reached out to me.  The friends you choose and the ones that God specifically places in our lives are so very important.  

Regarding teenagers and dating, someone told me this: A dating relationship when you're not ready to be married should be like a sweet friendship.  Otherwise it's like shopping with no money, you'll either end up disappointed or taking something that isn't yours.  

For all of you parents out there, especially the ones of teenagers, I see you, I'm here for you, I'm grateful that we have each other to lean on and just know that we will make it through!

As a parent have you ever had those moments where you're just like "what were you thinking?", "I know I taught you better than that", "I'm so embarrassed that you did this"?  I have, well I've had several of those moments having been a parent of 18 years.  It started when the kids were super young.  Two things I remember right off the bat that were embarrassing then but funny now.  When Declan was little I took him with me to shop for new bras.  He proceeded to walk through and grab all of the padded bras proclaiming "mommy I like these boobies".  Alaina, when she was potty training had to see every bathroom of every place we went to.  You know how there is a little gap between the door and the stall lock closure wall thingy?  Yeah she used to peek in and say "mommy we know her".  I just wanted to crawl under the floor I was so embarrassed.  As the kids got older there were many more instances that made me question my parenting abilities and had me thinking maybe I was too young to know what I was doing raising two small kids.  

But then there are other moments that make you beam with pride as a parent and you realize the kids really have been listening and you are doing a good job raising them.  There was one time in the store at the check-out there was a frazzled mom in front of us with one little girl in the cart (probably 2 years old if I had to guess) another next to the cart asking tons of questions (4 if I had to guess) and a baby crying that this poor woman was trying to console.  She was frazzled, the baby was screaming and the cashier rang her out, she paid and the cashier just left all the bags on the counter at the end of the checkout.  I could tell this lady was at her wits end and about to just cry.  I asked Alaina to help the woman put the bags into the cart and we were finished checking out by that time so we helped the lady to her car.  Alaina pushed the cart and I held the other little girl's hand so the mom could just focus on the baby.  We have always told our kids to choose their friends wisely (1 Corinthians 15:33) and that if their friends are doing something bad and our kids are with them and they all get caught, they're just as guilty even if they aren't participating (guilty by association).  Our kids have told us on several occasions they don't even like going to the bathroom at school because everyone is in there vaping.  I'm not naive to think that teenagers aren't going to experiment or try to push the boundaries, it's almost expected.  Alaina has told me on several occasions that friends and such have done edibles or tried alcohol, etc.  Declan is much more tight lipped ;)

Recently I had one of those moments that I am just so proud as a parent.  Alaina was invited to a party, she went, she was having a good time and was supposed to sleep over.  At about 11pm she texted me asking if I was still awake and asked if I could come get her.  She picked up an early shift for the next day so I thought she just wanted to come home and get a good night's sleep before work.  When I picked her up I asked her why she wanted me to come get her (for reference she's NEVER left a sleepover early).  She said that the girls were doing things that she didn't want to be a part of and she just wanted to come home.  She apologized for asking me to come get her so late and I told her how proud of her I was.  I don't care if it's 2am or 4am or whatever, I will always come get you if you're uncomfortable or feel unsafe.  I always thought that Alaina would be my party animal and try things because it looks fun, but in this moment I realized how mature she really is for her age, that she's been listening to Pat and I all these years, and that the way we parent is working for our kids.  I don't write this to brag because as before, I'm sure there will be more times where I will be like "What were you thinking" but for today and for now, I'm super proud of our girl.

On the other hand, I had my first tough phone call to make as a parent.  I called my mom to ask her what I should do because I know the girl's parents where the girls were staying the night and I knew that this was not acceptable behavior for their kids.  My mom said "if the shoe was on the other foot you would want to know, you have to tell her parents".  I DID NOT WANT TO DO THAT!  I was really hoping my mom would just be like, well Alaina did the right thing, no harm, no foul.  I had to put on my big girl pants and make a phone call.  I do not like confrontation at all but my mom was right.  If the roles were reversed I'd 100% want to know.  I made the phone call and it went so much better than I had figured it would.  The other parent was so apologetic for having Alaina in this situation.  As a parent myself I empathized and told her no need to apologize, we're all trying to do this parenting thing best we can.  Overall it was a good outcome and I'm glad I made the call but man I did not want to.  One, I didn't want to betray Alaina's trust in telling me what was going on and two, I didn't want any of the other girls to retaliate against Alaina.  The parent said that she would not mention that it was told to her but she found evidence since the party hadn't been cleaned up yet.  Parenting is hard and the more people we have to love our kids and share in the journey with us the better.  I am grateful that I already knew this person's parents as I think that made it a little easier but gosh it's difficult.  

 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

I know that this day can be difficult for some.  Some women that long to be mothers and aren't able to conceive, those who have conceived and lost, and those who have lost their children before you felt it was their time.  My heart goes out to you and aches for you.  I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you've had, however I can say that I'm here and willing to listen, cry with you, and hold your hand as you walk through your valleys.  

I also want to say a HUGE thank you to all of those that have influenced my life.  For my mom being the one that never wanted kids, I'm so glad that she changed her mind.  My mom, she's always been there for me through all of the peaks and valleys of my life whether I created them myself or just happened to walk through them.  She's been my biggest cheerleader, my hiking buddy, my confidant, my road trip sidekick, and my extra hand when I needed it.  She allowed me to make mistakes growing up so that I could learn from them, mature, and move on.  She's seen me at my highest of highs and lowest of lows and loved me through them all.  I am forever grateful for the mother I was given and the friend that I now have.  I also received two bonus moms when I married Pat.  I have learned so much from both his mom and step-mom.  Kim loves to garden, cook, makes beautiful place settings for family gatherings and always make sure the family gets together for the holidays.  She's baked cookies with my kids at Christmas time, carved pumpkins with them at Halloween, and dyed eggs with them at Easter.  Her love of genealogy excites her and she loves telling our kids about their ancestors.  Lydia shares my love of baking and is an encourager and a cheerleader.  She loves coming to watch the kids in their sports and is always there if I need someone to just listen and let me vent.  We love to talk about recipes and family and soccer.  Not only did I gain two extra moms I also gained another grandma, Pat's Grandma Judy.  I enjoy all of the family I have gained through my husband.  

 Random thoughts and Updates:

Why is it that our best thinking comes at times when we cannot write things down.  I mean, the other day I was in the shower and these thoughts were just coming to me left and right and I was like man these are great, I really should write these down so I remember them or can share them.  Whether we're showering, driving, laying down to go to sleep I believe there are times when our brain is most relaxed and we can finally have some genuine thoughts.

Many of you probably don't know but I do not set New Years resolutions.  I just got tired of not meeting my goals and giving up by February.  This year even though I didn't set a resolution, I did set some goals for myself that would still give me some leeway in case I messed up or stumbled.  

1. I want to read at least 12 books this year (one for each month).  So far I am currently on number 10 and I already have number 11 waiting for me.  I can put the links below to what I've been reading in case you're interested.

2. I want to be a better role-model for my kids.  My health has never been a priority to me.  I've always wanted to be a wife and a mother and never gave my health a thought really.  As a teenager I enjoyed working out and lifting weights but then life happens and I've slowly let myself go.  The other day I was thinking, man I thought I was done parenting for the most part.  My kids are almost 18 and 15.  But then it struck me that now is the time that our kids are going to watch my actions more than listen to my words.  We have REALLY lucked out in the teenager department and we have some great kids and I am so very grateful.  I realize though that if I want to be a better role-model I have to be worthy of being someone others want to follow.  With that I've decided to start exercising and watching what I eat.  I decided to do a 40 day sugar fast and to my surprise Alaina said she'd do it with me.  Not only that but her boyfriend and one of her friends joined in as well.  I didn't have to tell her to do it, I didn't encourage her to follow my lead, she CHOSE to do it and that makes me so very happy.

3. I've started filling my brain with truths about who God says I am, what I can accomplish, and where he's leading me.  I was at a women's event at church a few years ago, right before Covid hit.  I remember after the lesson we split into smaller groups to discuss some related questions and one was "what is your motivation/drive".  I remember sitting there and not being able to come up with anything.  I was like what in the world is my purpose.  As I mentioned above the only things I ever wanted was to be a mom and a wife, that's it.  Once that happened I guess I just decided to coast and "see what happens".  

4. I want to be more intentional in my thoughts and actions.  The easy path and easy options are no longer an option.  Yes it's convenient to grab something quick to eat from fast food or gas station food or just the processed quick foods to make at home.  I've learned that to change I have to be more intentional.  Being healthy takes more planning, prep, perseverance, and persistence but the payoff is so much greater.  I want to be intentional about what I say to others, how I say things to others, my actions, and my choices.  

We are now in month 5 of 2023 and I have been working on these all year so far.  I have a long journey ahead but I also have great support and a personal cheerleader (thank you Pat) who believes in me and encourages me to keep going even when somedays it would be easier to just give up.  I just wanted to share an update since it's been about a year since I've written anything.  What is going on in your life?  Anything you're working on or towards this year?

Books I've read so far this year: 

https://www.booksradar.com/coben-harlan/coben.html#2437

Author: Harlan Coben - these are suspense/thriller - The Match, I Will Find You, The Boy From the Woods, Missing You, Tell No One, Fool Me Once

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=overcoming+overwhelmed+erik+lawson&crid=3TYFZL7N1YHDW&sprefix=erik+lawson%2Caps%2C134&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_6_11

Overcoming Overwhelmed by Erik Lawson

https://www.amazon.com/Nefarious-Plot-Steve-Deace/dp/1682611523/ref=sr_1_1?hvadid=580631589312&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=11823108814152330207&hvtargid=kwd-309568623575&hydadcr=10026_13483884&keywords=steve+deace+nefarious+plot&qid=1683498313&sr=8-1

Author: Steve Peace - Nefarious Plot

https://www.amazon.com/40-Day-Sugar-Fast-Spiritual-Transformation/dp/0801094577/ref=sxts_entity_rec_bsx_s_def_r00_t_aufl?content-id=amzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6%3Aamzn1.sym.4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&cv_ct_cx=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&hvadid=580750081871&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=280933199357746321&hvtargid=kwd-946357220317&hydadcr=22563_13493224&keywords=wendy+speake+sugar+fast&pd_rd_i=0801094577&pd_rd_r=d0c4a901-dc6a-4e90-a0c0-d725a76317c1&pd_rd_w=T2CaE&pd_rd_wg=2q0jQ&pf_rd_p=4afc730c-c08d-48ba-8a05-81aa212c56f6&pf_rd_r=YCA0FN70WYAKJE6EBF2K&qid=1683498109&sbo=RZvfv%2F%2FHxDF%2BO5021pAnSA%3D%3D&sr=1-1-42c1d7c4-51c2-42cf-80a4-c0488607bdfe

The 40 Day Sugar Fast by Wendy Speake 

Currently Reading: 

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=uninvited+lysa&i=stripbooks&hvadid=558570236281&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9022943&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=1680665140076194261&hvtargid=kwd-301536084699&hydadcr=22533_10344512&tag=googhydr-20&ref=pd_sl_7l6kempv1j_e

Uninvited by Lisa TerKeurst

Many times when I come here to "blog" it's more of me just putting down on paper the ramblings that are in my head.  A couple things that came to my mind this past week: 

FIRST:

People like to tell me things.  I guess I'm a good listener without interjecting my opinions unless asked.  I'm a good "secret keeper".  I've always been one of those people that can be standing in line at the grocery store or somewhere and people feel inclined to tell me their life story.  For me this sometimes causes me anxiety because I tend to put myself in other's shoes quite often and I can feel their pain.  Ask anyone that knows me, I cry in almost every movie (sometimes even commercials).  I just feel for others deeply I guess.  I've always considered this annoying or embarrassing that I tend to cry when others cry.  The older I get I realize it's honestly a blessing.  I feel like I can connect with people on a deeper level than most. Also if you know me, you know that I'm not an extrovert.  I am more extroverted when I'm around people I know but it is very draining for me.  I really enjoy my alone time and my downtime at home with just my family.  

SECOND:

I really despise when people are fake.  Be real with me, I'm not here to judge you but I would love to know the REAL you.  If you tell me you're going to do something, then do it.  If you want real friendships, meaningful friendships you have to be vulnerable and real.  A lot of times I think as humans and especially women we want people to think of us a certain way so we tend to be fake or try to be who others want us to be.  I was talking to someone recently and he mentioned that one of the things he loves about Alaina is that she doesn't change who she is to try to fit in with anyone.  She's herself 100% of the time.  I've always loved her ability to include others and reach out to those who are feeling left out.  I had friends like that growing up and it was VITAL for me since I was so extremely shy.  Whether this statement about her is true or not (I don't know what she's like when she's with just her friends) I loved that he said it.  I told Alaina and I told her how proud I am of her for being like that, especially as a teenager.  Middle school is tough, everyone's trying to fit in and figure out who they are.  Stay true to yourself and let your yes be yes and your no be no.  Don't be afraid to set boundaries and stick to them.  It may hurt other people's feelings but it's important for your own peace of mind.  On the Flipside, it took me almost 35 years to figure out who I am, what I like, etc.  I love when people are genuine.  I am a people-pleaser at my core and it took me a long time to figure out who I am.  I was always so worried about what other people thought of me and trying my best to fit in that I never took the time to figure out who I was.  I know when I was younger my mom used to tell me that she could tell who I had been hanging around by the way I acted.  You are the company you keep and if you're not mindful about being yourself you'll end up being someone you were never made to be.  

THIRD:

Actions speak louder than words.  Pat can tell me all day that he loves me but honestly it's the little things he does that show me that he loves me and knows me that really speak to me.  When he cleans the kitchen after dinner or goes to the store for me on the way home from practice when he's already tired.  Pretty much every morning he goes and gets a soda from the gas station and asks if I want anything or just surprises me and brings something home for me.  If you love someone you naturally want to spend time with them, be with them, talk to them, etc.  It doesn't make sense to me to have a relationship if you're not willing to put in the effort and time that the other person deserves.  As we get older, especially with our friendships I know I don't get to talk to some of my friends as much as I'd like to but with others I make it a priority to have "girls days" and catch up, hang out, even if we don't have anything set in stone to do just being together laughing and chatting is refreshing for the soul.  As for a romantic type relationship I've never been interested in one if the other person is always too busy to hang out or doesn't want to be around me, just doesn't make sense to me.  This kind of took a weird turn but in general put your words into actions and see the different results you get ;)

Hope everyone has a great weekend!