A Little Life Update
This has been a season of change in the Mahoney household. Both kids graduated in May, Declan from State Tech for Welding and Alaina from High School. Declan worked for a company from July through the end of September but realized it wasn't what he was wanting to do long-term. He's looking to get more welding experience in the area he wants to eventually be in to work on/modify cars. Alaina has started her next chapter at MidAmerica Nazarene University in Kansas. It's been changes, lessons, tears, joys, and everything in between for all of us since May of this year.
Parenting in this season of life looks so different. Both kids are now legally adults with Declan being 21 and Alaina almost 19, I'm still learning how to step back and allow them space to figure things out. I'm struggling and it's difficult to not be as close to them as I've been their whole lives. It's tough to learn that they no longer need us as much or in the same ways as they used to. I don't like not being able to see them daily or hear about their day. I don't know what's going on in their lives as much or get to know their friends. There is so much more praying, finding new hobbies, learning new things just to fill the time. It's always an adjustment period going from one stage to the next of parenting. I remember our pastor talking about the different stages of parenting one time when our kiddos were little and I had never thought of it the way he explained it. It made so much sense:
Phase 1: The Commander - lots of telling them what to do, where to go, what to eat, what to wear, discipline, etc.
Phase 2: The Coach - giving a little more freedom while still assisting with choices and providing advice and guidance.
Phase 3: The Counselor - you're no longer the main influence but you're there to help them make good choices, become more independent, think of consequences, etc.
Phase 4: The Consultant - this one can often be the most difficult. This requires us to step back and let them know we are here and available if they need us but if you've done the first three phases well, this phase just takes a lot of praying, cheering on, and encouragement.
We have officially hit phase 4 at the end of July and it's been SO DIFFICULT. All I've ever wanted since I was little was to be a wife and a mother. After Pat and I got married we both wanted kids and a family and I was grateful to get pregnant almost immediately. I have loved every stage of parenting but the empty(ish) nest and phase 4 has definitely been my least favorite :( I love our kids more than anything in this world and letting them go and live their lives makes me sad but happy all at the same time. Watching them live out their dreams and become successful adults is exciting but a part of me is broken hearted knowing that things will never been the same again. We won't all live under the same roof or have nightly meals. I just hope and pray that they will choose to come visit and remember their childhood as fondly as we do.
I am going to choose to be grateful for the things we've experienced and walked through as well as what God has planned for us in the next phases and stages of life. My greatest joy and accomplishment as a person will always remain being a wife and a mom 💖💖
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