GRATITUDE

That's all I have today.  You know, as parents we're always trying to instill things in our kiddos, morals, values, faith, things that truly build their character.  I think sometimes when we step back as they get older (even times when they're younger) we can learn so much from them.  Pat and I have always been brutally honest with our kids.  We don't hide our struggles, failures, mistakes.  We let them know that we're human too, we still mess up, we still have emotions and faults.  It's how we work together to overcome them that matters.  I'm not sure how many people are aware but at the end of March Pat and I both lost our jobs.  My company was generous with a 60 day paid notice and severance, his was just immediate.  As scary and as devastating as it was we knew that our kids were watching how we were going to respond.  I know so many families go through this and it's scary and difficult but this is when our faith is generally strengthened the most.  Through that we decided to start going back to church instead of just watching online.  We are still new and getting plugged in to a new church but we both have felt refreshed and excited about the change.  Alaina has willingly been going with us on Sundays which says a lot for a 16 year old to willingly get up on her day off and go to church 😊. We started listening to praise and worship music again, listening to sermons throughout the week, etc to try to stay encouraged.  Thankfully Pat found a job and has already started which was a TRUE blessing.  I had interviewed with a company several times, was extremely hopeful only to be told they went with someone else and I was back to square one.  

Needless to say I was a little disheartened.  I'm still forcing myself to get up and look for jobs as if it's my full-time job.  Today I just wasn't feeling it.  I wanted to stay in bed and hide and just wallow.  I was texting Alaina while she was at lunch and to say I am proud to be her mom would be an understatement.  There have been so many times over this past year that each of us have been going through something and the others are there for encouragement.  I always dreaded the teenage years but I have to say, they've been some of my favorite years.  Declan will randomly text Pat and I and thank us for encouraging him, helping him, pushing him a little when he needed it to do things scared.  But today, Alaina sent me some texts and I was blown away at how mature and encouraging she is.  I am blessed beyond measure and grateful for the chance to parent them.  I'm so sad that they'll be leaving the "nest" soon but I'm so excited to see where they end up in life.  They're both going to do great things!

Sometimes we teach our kids and sometimes they teach us and both are okay and needed 💗

Ever have a plan and things don't go according to it?  That has been the course for this year for our family.  I decided that this year I was going to keep a "blessing jar" which basically has one strip of paper for every week of the year.  I've forced myself to think of at least one good thing that we're grateful for every week.  If you've read my previous blog posts you'd know it's not been the easiest task but yet we're striving forward.  

I am beyond grateful that I started walking with Jesus when I was 18.  It's not always been easy or the "popular/fun" thing to do but I'm thankful that I also have friends that are Jesus followers.  They're encouraging, pray for us, are standing with us through the highs and lows of life.  One of the things I am most grateful for is that God gives us peace beyond our understanding (Philippians 4:7).  Throughout all of our circumstances and everything that's happened through our marriage and personal lives, I've always found comfort and peace that cannot be explained to others.  Right now, Pat and I are both without a job but I am thankful that God promises to work together all things for good for those that believe (Romans 8:28).  Change is almost always scary but it it always brings about growth.  We don't have to fear change because God doesn't give us a spirit of fear.  In fact the Bible tells us to "fear not" 365 times in the Bible.  That is one for every day of the year and I don't believe that is a coincidence.  Now that our kids are older and understand what is happening, I pray that their faith is strengthened and they never have to question that God always takes care of us.  Even if it's not exactly how we thought or expected, his ways are always better than ours.  Sometimes he has to give us a little nudge to get us out of our comfort zone in order for us to grow into what he has planned for us. This song (actually a lot of hers) help me to not focus on our circumstances but on God and what he's done before and he's the same yesterday, today and forever.  

Lauren Daigle

This same thing happened to Pat and I when the kids were really little.  God provided then and we're trusting and have faith that He will do it again.

"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" (Matthew 6:26-27 ESV)

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.  Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matthew 6:34)

You know sometimes in the midst of chaos you can be so incredibly grateful and have absolute peace?  In the midst of what is seeming to be a terrible start to our 2024, I was so happy to take Alaina to her first ever concert on Tuesday night.  For those that don't know I have been told that I'm being laid off as of 5/16/24.  Even though there are plenty of jobs posted at the moment, unless you know someone it's sometimes difficult to even get your resume looked at let alone get an interview.  In the chaos and stress and uncertainty I have full peace.  God already knows the outcome, he already knew this was coming and hew as not surprised by it like I was.  It's in his hands, his timing, and his will.  We grow the most when we're pushed out of our comfort zone and embrace change.

I am so thankful that back in September of last year I got tickets for this concert for Alaina's 16th birthday.  It was a fun night with just her even though I was nervous about driving downtown by myself, (I really only go downtown with Pat) and having to back into a spot, and being out late, I was excited to get that one on one time with her.  Watching her sing her heart out, have a great time, and just spending quality time together filled my cup.  I am grateful that even though we didn't know what was coming we had already planned and prepared for this fun night.  What made the night even sweeter was the many many times she thanked me for bringing her and going with her 💜.

The day before that, Pat and I got a text from Declan: 

"I just wanted to say that I really appreciate you both for helping me achieve my future dream job.  I feel like I don't say it enough and I'm not sure how to say it but I love both of you guys for helping me through it all"

😭 Teenagers sometimes get a bad rap and I think it's such an awkward stage to be between being a kid and not yet an adult.  There are definitely highs and lows but as a friend once told me "when things are lovely, they're really lovely". When things aren't so lovely you hold onto the lovely times like the quality 1:1 time or the sweet texts, or the random hugs, and random gifts they bring home.  I will say that Pat and I have been so extremely fortunate to have great kids and it has made the teenage years (so far) mainly a breeze.  I love the people they're growing up to be and I will encourage them to follow the path that God has for them.  I promise to love, guide, and help them as long as they'll let me and I'll treasure all the lovely times in between, stopping and smelling the roses every chance I get.  

Thank you GOD for blessing me!

 ADVICE FROM PARENTS TO DAUGHTER

First I want to start by saying Dad and I love you more than you will ever know.  We are so very proud of you and everything you set to accomplish.  You work so hard at everything you do.  We admire how much you can keep good grades while also working hard at soccer and having a social life.  Ever since you were a baby you light up a room and your personality demands attention.  You’re always welcoming to new people and you make new friends easily.  We love how adventurous you are.  Plain and simple, you make life more fun!

 

God placed it on my heart to write you and be candid and honest.  Dad and I both reviewed this as we were once young and in relationships.  It’s our job to protect you as much as we can while still allowing you to have your own experiences and life lessons.  We came up with a list of things to consider in a relationship whether it’s a romantic relationship or a friendship.  What you do with the information is 100% up to you.

 

Advice from your Parents:

1.     Honor God – You are a child of God and you are precious.  Your body is a temple and was meant to be God’s house so treat it with care. 

2.     Guard your heart – feelings lie.  Know the difference between love and lust, attraction and affection.  Protect your heart.

3.     Communication is key – It’s so important to talk about things.  Don’t keep secrets from one another.  Whatever you are feeling, don’t be afraid to share it.  Deep conversations produce intimacy & ultimately draw you closer together.  Expectations can be the biggest disappointment in a relationship so make sure you discuss and are on the same page regarding what you want in the relationship.

4.     You are enough – You don’t need to change anything about who you are to “make” someone love you.  Have confidence in yourself, it’s something that attracts people to you.  Don’t be in a rush to grow up. If someone else doesn’t see your worth then they aren’t worth your time.

5.     You get what you give – If you want to be treated respectfully then you need to treat others with respect.  Be kind and generous.  Offer compliments and genuine appreciation.  Treat others the way you want to be treated and if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything.

6.     Don’t lose who you are to be a couple – Having a relationship is exciting and fun and while you’re getting to know each other it’s easy to get sucked in and want to spend all of your time with that person but don’t lose who you are.  Keep hanging out with friends, playing soccer, enjoying your hobbies, etc.  Having a well-balanced relationship where you spend time apart either alone or with your friends is healthy and good.

7.     Your body is yours – Don’t ever let someone pressure you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with.  Abstinence is the best policy and it’s how God designed us.  With physically showing love comes more emotional attachments and more issues so be responsible.  Don’t ever feel like you need to give in to keep someone, if they pressure you, it’s time to cut ties.

8.     Be a good listener – this goes for any relationship.  Listen intently and pay attention to how they treat others.  If they’re rude, unkind, disrespectful to others then you can expect they will treat you the same.  People often put on their “best self” when a new relationship starts and slowly reveal who they really are.  If he’s not good and loving towards his mom, it’s a warning.  Don’t assume you know what he really means when he tells you something.  Guys are simple, generally what they say is what they mean.

9.     Only stay in a relationship for the right reasons – Don’t stay in a relationship because it gets comfortable and would be “too hard” to leave.  If you have mutual friends, it’s fine and things will work themselves out.  Don’t stay with someone because you don’t want to be lonely or because you feel pressured.  

10.  Know what you want – If you know what you want in a relationship or in a guy then you’ll be more likely to notice when he isn’t what you want/need.  You need to know who you are before you can love someone else or expect them to love you.

11.  Heartbreak – If/when you get your heart broken, it sucks.  Allow yourself to be sad/mad and cry. Don’t stay there though.  Think about what you’ve learned about yourself and what you really want and move on.  Take time for yourself before jumping into a new relationship.

12.  Don’t chase – Ever heard of playing hard to get?  When you chase something/someone it runs away.  If you chase a guy or don’t give him room to breathe he may get scared and run.  Be content with being alone.  

13.  Test/Ultimatums – Don’t do this!  If you “test” someone or give them an ultimatum it generally causes them to feel pressured and they typically want nothing to do with it then.  Be patient, kind, don’t rush into anything.  Make sure both of you are good with where your relationship is at.

14.  Social Media/Electronics – don’t text/snap/etc anything that you wouldn’t be okay saying to someone’s face.  Remember that some parents check their kids’ phones so if you don’t want a parent to see what you’re texting/snapping, don’t do it.

 

Remember dad and I are always here for you and if you ever need to talk we’re happy to listen.  We love you dearly.

 

Love,

Mom and Dad

 We are nearing the end of February and it's still been a rough year.  We've had some good things, too though so we've tried not to dwell on the negative and scary.  

February 2nd we were at one of Alaina's indoor games in Fenton and Declan texted me that he had gotten pulled over.  Apparently when the police officer ran his plates it didn't show as registered to him.  He told Declan he needed to go to the DMV to get that straightened out.

I did the kids' taxes at the beginning of February and Declan's were rejected.  The social security from his W2 didn't match what the SSA had on file for him.  To be fair, the last digit was really difficult to read.  So we had to make a trip to the SSA office (so fun) and get that straightened out, have his employer update their records, and print a new W2 with the correct SSN.

Pat went to court for the incident with Dipper and paid the fine.  We got our fence and Dipper was confused at first why he couldn't see any of his "friends" when they barked.  They put the fence up so quickly and it's so nice, I must say.

There were some things that happened with Pat's work that had us a little worried but we're trusting God and continuing to do the right thing.

My birthday was wonderful.  I took the day off, had an eye exam so I could get more contacts, got a free Starbucks drink, free Chick Fil A, and a free cookie from Crumbl.  I read most of the afternoon and then all 4 of us went to dinner at Tony's on Main Street (thanks Uncle John and Tammie).  It was so nice to all go out to dinner together.  Afterwards we stopped by my parents house and had cake with them.  Alaina was sweet and made, iced, and decorated my birthday cake all by herself!  I was given gifts from Pat, Alaina, Declan, my parents, and Pat's dad and step-mom.  It was just a really great day and I am grateful to have that time with family <3

We visited a new church, Alaina visited a new youth group, we've watched countless indoor soccer games, and we even watched the super bowl this year.  Overall it's been eventful but I'm glad to have my family by my side through it all.

This month has been nothing short of eventful.  For those of you that aren't aware we had a rough start to 2024.  Dipper attacked our neighbor's dog earlier this month (thankfully she's healing and is fine) but as a result Pat has a court date to go in February, we are getting a fence installed, and Dipper was quarantined for 10 days.  Later that evening, Alaina and I went to the movies and she was trying to open a bag of candy with her teeth and chipped one of her front teeth.  We had to go to the dentist the very next day and as we were leaving and making a right to get onto 364, she got into a fender bender (with me), she rear-ended me (her in the corolla and me in the 4Runner).  It was easy to feel overwhelmed and down for a week or two because 1. we didn't know if our neighbor's dog was even going to be okay, 2. the expense of everything that happened within 2 days time, and 3. where we were going to come up with the money to pay for all of this stuff.  Thankfully Pat and I vented to each other, prayed about it, and let it go.

A week or so later we found out the neighbor's dog was going to be fine (thankfully), Alaina's tooth was fixed, and the fence is coming (once the weather permits).  On a good note, I got to take Declan to visit his first (and only) college.  He is thinking about going to State Tech Missouri in Linn, MO.  It was a very nice school, VERY small town, and I think he really liked it.  I don't get much one on one time with him so it was nice to have an entire day just him and I to hang out.  I really enjoyed it and he seemed to as well.  I think the reality of him becoming an adult and possibly only living at home for a few more months is starting to sink in.  He, as many boys do, waited until the last minute to sign up for the A+ program through school so he's doing his tutoring and if he gets it all done, his school tuition will be free (PRAISE THE LORD) and he'll just have to pay for tools, books, and a place to live.  The program is only 2 years and they help you to find a job afterwards.  I think he's excited but also a little nervous.

Last October or November Alaina had a scout from Stephen's College reach out to her out of the blue to see if he could come watch her play in a tournament.  He ended up coming to two of her tournaments and then reached out at the beginning of January and asked if she'd be interested in coming and touring the school and playing with some of the current girls that play on their team.  Only 15 spots were available and so we went and did that yesterday.  She had a good time and it was nice to tour the school with her.  Pat and I had never been to Columbia, MO to just visit.  The coach told her that she should hear something from him within the next couple of weeks regarding notes and things to work on, etc.  They can't officially offer any scholarships until you're a Junior in HS so nothing was officially said.  She was the youngest of the girls that were there and she surprised herself that she was able to hang just fine.  Afterwards we had to drive from Columbia to Fenton because she had two indoor games to play in last night and she killed it.  It was so fun watching her.

So although our month started off a little rocky and I was freaking out that our entire year was going to be that way, there are so many things to be thankful for!  To say we are proud of our kids would be an understatement.  I can't believe that they're as old as they are and it's so bittersweet watching them grow into the people God has created them to be and watching them shine.  Their ambition and goals blow me away and I'm constantly humbled by their grit and tenacity.  I love having a front row seat to watch them bloom!

  

I am just so very grateful.  I am so thankful for relationships that God has put into my life/our lives over the years.  Whether it was through church, work, school, etc.  There are always people in our lives that are there for a reason.  Parenting is difficult so having friends along to help is crucial.

Not too long ago there were some things that happened that I was really struggling with.  I was very anxious, worried, upset, and disappointed.  Out of nowhere someone that I had met years ago reached out to me and encouraged me, she cheered me on and empathized with me as a parent.  A few things she said that really stuck out to me and helped me more than she will probably ever know.  Parenting teenagers is HARD, it takes a village and God has placed certain people in your life so you're not doing life alone.  

1. Your child still loves you and needs you and is just trying to figure out how to be independent

2. You aren't responsible for your child's actions or reactions to you, your job is to pursue them, encourage them to do what's right, and show them you love them.

3. God loves them more than we do.  Pray for them and ask God to chase them down and bring them back

4. Be patient

5. Set boundaries and expectations but also show grace and understanding

6. Notice the good things they do, point them out, and make a BIG deal about them

7. With teenagers, when things are rough, they're really rough but when things are lovely, they're very lovely.  Remember the lovely times until the rough times become lovely again.

Things have been so much better the past couple of weeks and I'm so thankful that she reached out to me.  The friends you choose and the ones that God specifically places in our lives are so very important.  

Regarding teenagers and dating, someone told me this: A dating relationship when you're not ready to be married should be like a sweet friendship.  Otherwise it's like shopping with no money, you'll either end up disappointed or taking something that isn't yours.  

For all of you parents out there, especially the ones of teenagers, I see you, I'm here for you, I'm grateful that we have each other to lean on and just know that we will make it through!